Super Mario has often been looked at as a quintessential video game franchise; its gameplay and graphics have defined each generation of consoles since the NES, and the Super Mario story has always been one of minimalism that is easily understood by anyone who’s ever heard a fairy tale: The hero rescues the girl from the monster.

While one could easily find Super Mario games to be an easy substitute for something like Sleeping Beauty, I find that these games are an easy substitute for a darker story, The Great Gatsby.  But in such a scenario one would have to give up on the notion that Mario, and the player, is acting heroic.

The character of Bowser is a working class koopa that has built his way up to wealth via shady means in order to gain the hand of the woman he’s always loved, Princess Peach, who is herself a member of the old money established wealth.  Mario, her selfish lover (and a racist) sets off on an adventure to rescue his “kidnapped” lover from the “evil” clutches of the man-turtle that loves her more than Mario even notices her from day to day.  Luigi, in this situation, would play the role of the wealthy relative and constant bystander.  Symbolism would imply that his physical similarities to Mario represent his connections to old money and Mario’s family specifically, while his green costume shows his sympathies with Bowser.

At the end of the story the hate filled, selfish racist, Mario, throws the lovelorn criminal, Bowser, into lava and takes back his property.  Princess Peach keeps her money, security, and social standing.  Luigi stays depressed and ignored.  The upside is that playing a Super Mario game with this stuck in your head can make it strangely intriguing, and specifically it makes Super Mario Sunshine the darkest installment of Super Mario games, as a tale of failed revenge and dual natures struggling against each other.

The face of evil…

What a wonderful staple of my childhood. The first time I ever had the chance to play SMW was at a Big Bear. Yeah, remember that grocery store chain that bit the dust years ago? They had a SNES in a little section for parents to drop their kids off when they drove them crazy (I fell fittingly into this category). Being a Sega child, I only had a couple friends who owned a Super Nintendo so I clung to that SNES at Big Bear. Kids wanting their turn got the silent treatment because there was no way I was letting go. Normally, I wasn’t that kid… but this was Super Fuckin’ Mario Fuckin’ World. 

Christmas united me with this classic thanks to the glory of the Virtual Console. I purchased this and Donkey Kong Country 2 (which Chad should probably review before I get to it first… duh duh DUUUUUUUH!).

Where to begin… SMW was the pinnacle  of the 2D Mario experience on the old school console. Yoshi came onto the scene, control over flight became amiable with the cape, not to mention you get to rehash the joy of decimating the Koopa Kids. Fuck those little bastards… literally, they’re bastards. Where’s the mother? Bowser would be a horrible father and an even worse single father. The only logical explanation is that Bowser got that Peach punanny on 8 occasions. What a whore.

See, total whore.

How do you think she can pull all of those turnips out of her dress? You guessed right, she’s got a gaping vagine… it looks like a pink hot tub…

Getting sidetracked…

SMW excelled at making cool looking environments

Welcome to Dinosaur Island. Those numbers you see are the rubble of castles guarded by a Koopa Kid. Your mission is to save the stolen Yoshis from these castles. Technically, you can beat the game without doing all that but then you’d be a pussy. Either that or you’re going for a speed run, then I guess I can understand that… IF you beat the world record.

For those who like a little spook every once in awhile in their adventure, there are also Ghost Houses along the way.

Home of the Boo in varied forms:

If you’ve never had to deal with a Boo, it’s quite simple. Just look at them and they quit moving. Either out of fear or shyness… the irony is palpable. Sometimes this tactic doesn’t work, hope you’re good at dodging.

Super Mario World is a KEY game for any avid gamer. It’s a classic that I still hear talk of to this day. I have never heard an ill word said in regard to it and probably never will. I’d assume the only people who don’t have good things to say about it didn’t make it through. Which is sad because the boss battle with Bowser is one of the most entertaining battles I’ve been a part of. It’s just fun, and you get to crack Bowser on the head with Mechakoopas! How does that not spell out fun!?

All of the boss battles are fun, not that I think about it.

If you haven’t played it. If you have, play it again and smile constantly.

SNES – Super Mario World

You asked, here it is, The Defaming of Outstanding Gaming, episode 2. Super Mario 64. We did have trouble with this.. its fucking Mario 64, its a difficult game to hate on. Its not perfect, we point out it’s flaws, but try out this wonderful piece of gaming nostalgia. An entire episode dedicated to the flaws of one of the greatest games of all time: Hit it up!

The Defaming of Outstanding Gaming: 002 – Super Mario 64

Edit: And yes.. I know.. its late. But look at it this way: Its here now, you can stop worrying about the potential of paying child-support.