Recently, I decided to give up on a certain aspect of Batman: Arkham Asylum: The Riddler’s riddles. I beat the game’s Story Mode almost a week ago, but thought the Riddler had to be brought to justice. More on that later.

Let me say, as a pretty big Batman fan, this is an exceptional title. With games like this, I still find myself amazed at how far graphics have come. Especially when you spent hours on titles like this:

It isn’t difficult to immerse yourself in the circumstance Batman finds himself in. For those who have yet to play it, I’ll set the scene.

It begins with the night-clad streets of Gotham, the clouds hang heavily above the Batmobile speeding by. Inside, Batman puts the pedal to the metal as his destined nemesis, the Joker, taunts him. A daunting feeling looms over the Dark Knight, the capture of his rival seemed all too easy this time around. He’s right to feel this way, the Joker has something up his sleeve (other than the usual Joker Cards, gas emitting bouquets and revolvers with a “BANG!” sign). As Batman and the guards of Arkham escort the tyrannical trickster down the cold asylum halls, you continue to feel the chill of the criminally insane seep into your bones. Obviously, something isn’t right or you wouldn’t be holding the sticks.

If you couldn’t tell, Joker not only escapes captivity but takes over the asylum. With the aid of fellow inmates and prisoners transferred from Blackgate Prison (after a fire just HAPPENED to spread *wink* *wink*), the Joker plans a party the Batman won’t soon forget.

Ok, now that you’re caught up it’s time to get to the fun stuff.

It took me awhile to actually get my hands on a copy of this game. Thanks to my buddy, Will Handford, I was finally able to take a crack at this title I’ve been hearing so much about. Well worth the wait, my friends. The “Freeflow” combat system is enough to keep you glued to the screen like glitter to a kindergartner’s Mother’s Day card. Keep your combo intact and it will not only multiply your score (increasing your XP and replenishing your health), but allow you to pull off insane ninja-type moves that Batman is well known for. You better believe there will be Achievements/Trophies linked to these combos. It’s astounding how well this system works. You would think there would be many a kink in its execution, but if there were any flaws they were quickly forgotten. I was truly impressed by the work put into the Freeflow combat.

The top villains in my book are as follows:

4. Killer Croc

The detail put into Croc’s creation is downright SICK. Look at him! I’ve seen many interpretations of KC and this was by far the most terrifying. It’s never a pleasant reunion when it comes to Croc and Batman. Bats is high up on Croc’s desired menu, and he’s got the scent. I was a little disappointed in the “battle,” but it was still kind of fun to outrun this beast.

3. Poison Ivy

Ever the harlet, Ivy’s slinky seduction is always a vain attempt when it comes to Batman. This being because he’s well aware of the outcome of locking lips with her: certain death. He’s had his close calls with Miss Ivy, as well as seeing the aftermath of her handywork. The battle is a fun one, albeit slightly frustrating. I won’t spoil the surprise, just know it’s diVINE… eh?… eh?

2. Harley Quinn

Oh man… does this girl do funny things to my brain… and pants. I’m well aware she’s a fictional character, but try telling that to my wang!

1. Scarecrow

Of all the interpretations of Dr. Crane’s alter ego, this is EASILY my favorite. So much so that I plan on getting a tattoo if the image used in the credits (as well as this version’s Poison Ivy & Harley Quinn in a… provocative stance?). His levels were very interesting to say the least. Especially the one that caused me to think I broke my brother’s XBox. Now THAT’S instilling fear! Kudos to the development team on that.

Now I’d like to bring up the riddle aspect of this game. Throughout your venture through Arkham Island, you have the choice to solve riddles, decipher tablets from The Spirit of Amadeus Arkham, obtain tapes containing patient interviews, and pick up Riddler Trophies around the island. Collecting all 240 of these will end in the Riddler’s capture. Thus, giving me incentive to find them all.

Again, I finished the Story Mode roughly a week ago but continued to play so I COULD BRING THE RIDDLER DOWN. I’m down to the LAST TWO TROPHIES. This would normally be a time for celebration… but I can’t find them. I’ve been searching and searching but they seem to be the Bermuda Triangle of trophies.

The areas circled in red are roughly where the trophies should be. The Riddler’s question marks hover around the general area, so it’s safe to say they’re approximately in the middle of their hover pattern. Here’s where I run into the problem…

First off, the trophy closest to the Intensive Treatment area seems to be in or above the ventilation system. It can’t be in it, because I’ve looked… many times… up and down. If there’s a way to get above it, I haven’t figured it out.

The Lower trophy appears to be somewhere on a FUCKING CLIFF. Try to use the Line Launcher to get over there and you’ll fall in the water. Not to mention I’ve looked all over that mother fucker and found jack shit. I’ve checked the little Cave area up and down… it doesn’t seem to be there.

Now, normally I would just consult GameFAQS in this situation. This proved to be a moot point, so I checked other Walkthroughs. Many would call it cheating, I call it doing what it takes to bring the Riddler to justice. After many sites and watching many videos, I discovered that NONE OF THEM SEEM TO COVER THESE AREAS. Which I find a little weird, quite frankly. Every video and strategic screenshot seem to just skip over this little chunk of the game. But why? It seems pretty important, especially when you’ve got 238 of the 240 Riddler puzzles.

Another thing I found interesting (by which I mean aggravating) was this little nugget of information. The map shots I did find were missing this key component

THIS ENTIRE AREA IS NOT ON THE MAP. This is puzzling considering it’s one of the first places you go in the game. After completing the Intensive Treatment building, you crawl through the vent, go through this little cave area and look at Arkham Island while theatrical music plays (you even get an Achievement for hitting this point in the game). So why is it nobody talks about these trophies? I can’t wrap my head around it. It was driving me bonkers, and I very rarely use that word!

I thought I was losing my mind. My brother had to help with looking up guides and walkthroughs online while I continued to scale the area in hopes of finding SOMETHING. After talking to Tom (aka SamuraiLink3) I discovered there were some bugs involved in the PC version. Was that it? Were these trophies glitched out of the game? If there is no record of them, are they just ghost trophies sent to haunt my psyche? I could almost feel gamer madness take hold until I just decided to drop it. Which is severe blow to my honor as a gamer. This means the Riddler is still at large in the city of Gotham. I failed this aspect of the game.

I’m still pretty miffed about this. Maybe I simply missed something simple, that has been known to happen.  And if anybody knows how to get these trophies, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I’ve scoured the internets just so I could find these two fucking trophies and get my measely Achievement points. I’ll write an article reviewing why you’re so awesome if you can help me out. Seriously. A huge article about why you’re awesome!

Despite the bullshit I endured at the hands of the Riddler, this is still an amazing game that deserves the highest of praise. If you have a vast knowledge of the Batman mythology, solving riddles will help you in certain areas (example: knowing to look for Scarface when a “puppet show” is mentioned). However, this is a great game for anyone. If you haven’t played, you should probably do that soon considering Arkham Asylum 2 has just recently been announced.

And the absolute best part of this game: NO ROBIN!

Batman: Arkham Asylum

“But, Tom!”, you ask, “Good Batman games have been made in the past! Remember this gem? ” Very true, but one thing is for damn certain. This was a high budget title. A game that was looked forward to. A Batman game. But more importantly, a superhero game. And now we’ve all seen it with our own eyes. Yes, dear readers, we not only have a good superhero game, we have a great superhero game. Not only does Arkham Asylum fit into the source material so well, but it satisfies Batman comic nerds, gamers, casuals, and the ever-growing category of Achievement Whores. This is a game that should be played by, truly, everyone, regardless of gaming style or Batman know-how.

Ghostbusters: The Video Game

Remember this? If that wasn’t painful enough… remember these? Well have you played this? The new Ghostbusters game that came out this summer is… good. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a great game. It has technical limitations and other problems that could have been fixed by more time in the dev-oven, but the point remains: This is not a bad game by any means. Saying that it is the best Ghostbusters game ever isn’t saying much, but reporting that this game is fun, is. This game contains fun, sticks wonderfully to the source material, is a huge compliment to Ghostbusters nerds, and most importantly, fun. Did I mention that playing this game was actually fun? I had real, non-diluted, 100%  not-from-concentrate enjoyment while playing this game. Yet another sign of the coming meteor strike that will wipe earth from this very galaxy.

The only thing left to happen (since Sonic and Mario have starred in a game together..) is for there to be an absolutely mind-blowing Superman game. Which we all know won’t ever happen. For now, Earth will continue on, but if you want a reason to plan ahead, here’s a list of why the end of the world won’t happen for some time:

• Nintendo is still making retarded changes to their handheld lineup.
• Nintendo is still making fucking weird Wii hardware.
• A Spyro film is coming out, and no one cares.
• Video game movies still suck.
• Bunjie is still making Halo games
• and fanboys are still buying these overly-hyped mediocre shooters.

Go ahead and make your own informed decision about the rest of your life, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Well fuck. Another childhood favorite biting the dust, being slain in the backdraft of what used to be original. Gather ’round, childrens, and I’ll tell you a tale of wonderment and severed spinal chords. A journey to fight an old man with no feet and his four-armed Shokan pet named… Scruffy? A tournament leading to-GORO!… it was Goro…- A tournament leading to destiny by means of ascension via violent gore! Testing your might through blood-battered fisticuffs and occasionally breaking diamond blocks without cutting your knuckles to mush. Progression through varied tales of the saga brought fun times and not so fun times. Sometimes, you’d have to look up store hours because you broke the controller on a table corner because KINTARO CAN JUMP AND THROW YOU AND YOUR DREAMS OF VICTORY TO THE GROUND.

Which brings me wanting to kill fictional people/creatures in a FUN and CREATIVE manner. That’s right, the ever-infamous FATALITY. The right combination of buttons and BOOM! … BOOM! … BOOM!

And, every once in awhile

And, more often than not, this happens

However, recently the Fatality we all know and love has been compromised. A visit to the Tube of You had me a little peeved at the lack of “umph!” Not from a strictly bloody standpoint, I mean the creative edge to the fatality. Like Liu Kang’s classic “MK Arcade Machine Falling from the Sky” trick (which IS in MK vs. DC… but I’ve SEEN that shit many a time), or the “Make the World Explode with a Metric Fuck-Ton of Bombs to Kill One Person” gem.

Keep in mind, MK vs. DC was in MK’s arena. MK had the home field advantage and they dropped the ball as far as the Fatality goes. Yes, they had to downgrade to a “T” rating, but did that really call for innovation to plunge down the chute? Hell, most of the “Heroic” Brutalities you see from DC Heroes are more harsh than most of the Mortal Kombatant’s Fatalities. Which is odd because you’d think with how insane some of the crushing blows can be (i.e. Superman freezing the opponent, lifting them to the sky, dropping them and landing on their pelvis… ouch). One thing I did like in the “Heroic Brutality” area of things was, with little surprise, the Green Lantern’s finishing moves. I can’t tell if it’s due to bias or if all the other finishers just suck.

Not all were a waste of time, but a lot of them were. The one fatality that made me say “YES! THIS GAME IS GOING TO BE BADASS!” was altered for the sake of white parents who want their kids coddled for them. I’m talking about the Joker’s “Fake-Out Gun then Shoot that Maw Fucka with a Real Gun” Fatality. It was simple, but it was made of the things that made Mortal Kombat great. When the footage of the final product of moved the camera towards the Joker when he fired the gun, I realized that what was once the Powerhouse of convenient, living room-ready violence had bowed down to suck off the the WHITE man.

I really hope this game has fantastic gameplay, because it still looks like it can be fun. And it’s not like you have to pull off a “Mercy” or defeat your opponent with low kicks to set up a shitty Fatality. They all look pretty easy to execute (buh duh, tssssh!) and the interactive environments may save this title. As far as the art of the Fatality is concerned, the next MK (if they decide to make another one) or MK crossover better have an ABSURD amount of violence. I’m talking Cannibal Holocaust head-butting Kill Bill in the vag while Planet Terror curb-stomps the elevator scene in The Shining. Like if Niagara Falls were on its period, that would be close to what I’m getting at.

Part two of this report will come after I have a chance to play the game.

STAY TUNED!

This is one Batman game that isn’t only playable, its good!! Multiple weapons, very challenging, this reminds me of the glory days of Batman games. Play this one in between showings of The Dark Knight.

NES – Batman: Return of the Joker

By the way… it totally kicked ass. Just as a reminder: If you don’t know how to work these games, take a look at the top of this page, there is a link to training videos there.