X-Men Legends was the first in a series of 4-person co-op games focused on using teams of Marvel superheroes (and sometimes villains) and franchise fapping.  The 3rd installment in this series was Marvel Ultimate Alliance and the 4th installment is a game being released just next week: Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2.  Because I have a ridiculous love for these games I’m going to briefly and nostalgically look at the original!

It’s probably most important to first note that X-Men Legends was a game with a weak plot, generic backdrops, and on occasion controller snappingly frustrating difficulty.  The 4-man co-op aspect of the game is a mess as well with portions of the  game only accessible as single player, making your three buddies sit around waiting for their turn to jump back into the game.  Legends sets itself up as the weakest of the three games so far, but luckily the other two were able to hammer out a lot of these problems.

Everyone knows that X-Men Legends is not a game to be played for the story or scenery.  It’s all about playing as your favorite characters from the comics, which Legends does fantastically.  Jubilee, Emma Frost, Magma…and probably some of the less popular mutants like what’s-his-name…the dude with the claws… Anyway, they’re all there.

The best thing Legends does is introduce the 4 character/1 screen co-op even in solo mode (granted Lost Vikings did it with 3 characters way before Legends, but shut up).  This allowed the player to not only control their favorite X-Man but their favorite X-MEn!  Like the phrase goes, “the more the merrier.”  It’s a winning formula that’s some much prettier and more varied button-mashing offspring.  But here at 72pc we don’t look at those qualities.  We respect our roots AND our video game elders.  Just play X-Men Legends once and you’ll agree that it feels pretty damn old.

Before I get to the game, I’d like to show you the alternate cover.

Shitch’yeah!

One of many personal favorites of mine, The Suffering puts you in the shoes of Torque, A man sent to Abbott State Penitentiary on the infamous Carnate Island in Maryland. He was sent there for the murder of his ex-wife (Carmen) and two kids (Corey & Malcom). But at the beginning of the game, it is unknown whether or not he was, in fact, the one who commited these crimes because of blackouts he has endured all his life. That’s where you come in, fellow gamer. This is one of the less credited, though well received, games that was on the front line of the “good/evil” choice in path (games like “Star Wars: KOTOR,” “Fable,” “Darkwatch,” etc.). All it REALLY affects is the ending, but that doesn’t make it any less badass.

The Suffering starts with Torque on a boat with some cops heading toward Abbott. The first few moments of gameplay are spent in a cage by the dock with some of Abbott’s newcomers… assuming they live through your carnage… which they won’t! They talk about what you were sent there for and attack you.

At this point there isn’t really a way to fight back, so you’ll run around like a chicken with its dick cut off. Then you’ll turn into the monster side of Torque! Oh yes, you have the ability to turn into a monster in this game (known as “Insanity Mode”). Before you go and use it every second you can, it affects what ending you get.

The enemies you will meet represent different forms of execution, whose origin you will learn of by finding the journal entries Clem (who you’ll meet much later in the game) left around the island.

Slayer

The first breed of monster you encounter. Not a whole lot of trouble unless they come in numbers. Then you don’t want to underestimate the damage these fuckers can do. Simply a matter of learning their patterns.

There’s another type of Slayer later in the game, which is taller and more aggressive. These are the products of Dr. Killjoy’s psychotic experiments (I’ll explain who he is soon).

The Mainliner

I always call these bastards “Junkies.” Executed by means of lethal injection, they hop around chucking needles at you. Keep an eye out for these pieces of shit. They can pounce on you and try to stab you with a syringe. Even worse than that is when you’re in a crazy situation and in need of Insanity Mode. Why is that? Because the syringes they throw can TAKE YOU OUT OF INSANITY MODE. Which can really fuck up any plans you may have of getting out of a situation.

Marksman

Another enemy which isn’t too much trouble when they’re alone. But as the game progresses they rarely show up without a few of their buddies. These unlucky saps fit the firing squad theme. They have six or so rifles attached to their backs. When he kneels move your ass, he’s about to fire in an attempt to tear your shit up.

Burrower

Representing those who were buried alive in the grounds of Carnate. They move through the ground and pop up when you’re in proximity. Either to take a slash you, trip you, or spin to make a buzzsaw effect. Shotgun is the most effective, keeps them from moving.

Nooseman

These fuckers hang from a noose and lower from GIANT BLOOD STAINS ON THE CEILING… That’s right, they found a way to pull that shit off. Keep an eye on the ceilings for these spots, they’re strategically placed and the second you forget about them you find yourself in a strangle sandwich. I don’t think I need to tell you they’re well hung.

Fester

These fat fucks are the ghosts of slave traders, whose slave ship crashed into the shore of Carnate. Constantly emerging from the ship, they are souls tortured for the savage treatment of slaves which they left on the ship to be eaten by rats! Because of this, their stomachs are filled with exploding rats (oh yeah, watch out for those little shits). Your best bet would be tossing TNT, grenades or Molitov cocktails (which come in bottles of JACK DANIEL’S, that’s my boy!) because bullets bounce off of their grotty physique. If you want my advice, which you do, if you’ve got explosives to spare, chuck them at the Fester(s) when it falls to the ground to take out the legion of rats coming your way (Molitov works best in this situation).

Inferna

These little bitches are… well… a bitch. Little girls from the 1600s who accused 11 innocent people of witchcraft (11 people who were burnt at the stake as a result) haunt the island for their crimes. They can burst into flames and encircle you in fire. They tend to come in threes, so watch out for their trickery. When you shoot them enough, they turn into a pile of ash. Destroy that pile or they will regenerate. You’ve been warned.

The main characters make the story all the more insane. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find ANY pictures for these characters. So you’ll just have to play yourself and witness the awesomery.

Dr. Killjoy

This psycho-scientist worked in the Abbott infirmary for the criminally insane. His need to diagnose and treat takes shape in various demonstrations. I really like this character because he made himself immortal by means of using film projectors to make himself appear in a holographic fashion. He can also lock doors with the same technology, which are unlocked by destroying projectors. He is a crazy mother fucker and is fascinated with Torque’s condition.

Horace

His spirit haunts the hallways of Abbott, he got the electric chair and now is able to harness electricity. The island drove him crazy and made him so paranoid he killed his wife during a conjugal visit because he was afraid of “what would happen to her” if he didn’t (makes sense, amirite?). Horace is forced by the power of the island to constantly relive his own execution. He is the voice of caution pertaining to Abbott’s effect on the mind and soul of its inhabitants.

Hermes

Appearing in the form of green gas from the chamber, Abbott’s former executioner felt so close to the process he had to become a part of it. By willingly sitting in the gas chamber to “get a taste.” His boss battle is an interesting one, I’ll leave it at that. Just imagine how you would fight gas. Whereas Horace tries to lead you to the path of good, Hermes encourages Torque to give into his evil urges.

*SPOILER*
There are three possible endings to The Suffering .
Ending 1 = Doing good deeds with little use of Insanity Mode
Ending 2 = Evil deeds (taking somebody’s life)
Ending 3 = Major use of Insanity Mode

All the endings depend on what the spirits of Torques family think of him, based on his/your actions. After defeating Torque’s inner demon, himself, and a clusterfuck of all three, you’ll be rescued by a boat. Ending 1, Torque is rescued and recieves a re-trial. Ending 2, Torque knocks out the driver of the boat and escapes. Ending 3, Torque runs back into the woods of Carnate Island. The coolest thing about the ending, to me, is the photo of Torque’s family. You have it for the entirety of the game, but what is written on it and its overall appearance by the game’s end depends, again, on the decisions you make. If you do good, it’s clean with a supportive and loving message from the Carmen. If you do evil, it will be covered and blood and basically say the only way they can be happy is without Torque.
*END SPOILER*

Whenever you’re given a choice to do good or evil, you’ll hear the voices of Carmen and Torque’s inner demon. Carmen encourages you to help out, the demon usually says something along the lines of “fuck that shit, bitch. KEEEELL DAT MUDDA PHUCKA!” It is then up to you to choose. First time I played I went the good route which, like other games of this nature, is usually a little more difficult because protecting someone is usually involved.  And when that shit happens, it is more taxing to my patience because of the dumbshit mistakes the A.I. love to make. If you decide to kill the person, you have to deal with hordes of monsters all by your lonesome. Your call.

You can switch the camera from third person to first person. So you can turn it into an FPS whenever you feel like it. Which comes in handy when walking down some narrow hallways.

Also, in case you haven’t noticed, there is a delightfully irresponsible amount of blood in this game. After a battle, you’re usually covered in blood. See the following diagram, by which I mean screenshot.

Midway really showed me they can still make a game that teeters on the line of insanity (too bad they’re not doing too well). With random pictures of violence and sadistic people/monsters (sometimes being one and the same. WHOA! Think about that shit, MAAAAN! That shit’s deep… like your sister’s cooter!) popping up at random points in time, this game will put you on edge if you’re not familiar with the walls of Abbott and the scenery of Carnate Island. There are so many events that took place in Abbott’s past I couldn’t possibly cover them all without making this review longer than it already is. Just know that The Suffering and its sequel, The Suffering: Ties That Bind, have a lot to offer. Good plot, crazy enemies, a challenge, there’s even an unlockable mini-documentary on a supposedly haunted prison in Pennsylvania!

That’s not all, children! Apparently a movie is being made! Which is due to release sometime this year. Keep your toes crossed! Let’s see if it actually happens, or if it is actually worth taking time out of your life to see. Either way, there are still two really good games that will cover more plot than a room full of suits could ever care to.

Get ready to get bloody!

Oh yeah, and FUCK THE PO-LICE!

BLAH!

I’m out.