The first was simply put as the Iron Man fighting game tournament. I was in a group of 6 people and I had to face each of them in each of the following games- Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Capcom vs SNK 2, Street Fighter Alpha 2, Breakers Revenge, and last but not least Vampire Savior which is the 1997 version of the Darkstalkers series. To be honest I was completely outmatched by damn near everyone that I had to go up against. Each game you played two out of three out of five rounds and I learned a few things right off the bat.

1: No matter how good I think I am or how decent I may be at a game someone will and can kick my ass no matter what I do.

2: Breakers Revenge is full of broken shit that allows me to do nothing all the while the people I go up against keep coming at me with an onslaught of terror.

3: Apparently I am a lot better at Vampire Savior than I ever would have thought (Felicia FTW!).

Yea shes a cat, whatever she kicks so much ass.

4: That my combo of Cammy, Ryu, and Sagat are hard to beat if in Capcom vs SNK 2 if I just remember how the hell to use sagat as a spam/distance fighter.

5: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure might be up there for the best fighting game I have ever played even though I cannot imagine what the hell the people were on when they made the comic and the two fighting games based off of it.

Regardless of all of that I went 5 out of 25 and did not advance to the next round. It was a huge learning experience and one of the many I had throughout the day. The best part was I started to realize that all these guys were like a community of friends and when they watched each other they wanted to give tips on what they could have done to do better. Even without knowing any of them I was quickly accepted and was involved in a lot of discussions with the overall group of people. Jesse also participated in this tourney but did not do as well…although I cannot recall his record.

Ok time for tourney two of the day and of corse as luck would have, it turned out to be a “Mystery Game” tournament. Essentially I was forced to play some of the worst titles I can ever imagine.You played two out of three rounds…if it was a fighting game and if you lose twice you are out of the tournament.

The first game I played was entitled: Joy Mech Fight. This game was a fighting game made back in 1993 for the famicom. We played it on a top loader and I have to be honest, if you look at this game for a second you will say “Wow this game has to be one of the shittiest games I have ever seen.” Honestly I loved it, they had a lot of diverse fighters for a game that was released on Nintendo. I also just found out that it had a 38 player roster, which if you can your math most games in 1993 had roughly 15 so that is astounding. I won my fight using a character that was named Tiger and did it using his diving kick attack.

To me he is a cross between Sagat from Street Fighter, and Rax from Eternal Champions. Oh in other news the attack is called the eagle kick, and was my weapon of mass destruction.

The next game was DX Hird…which I would love to provide you with a good review or picture but it has been so long the only thing i remember is that it played like Battle Arena Toshiden 3 and was terrible looking. It is so obscure that I spent 10 minutes on google looking up and down for it and I have nothing but one man talking about how bad it is in a forum…I was unaware that a game could suck that bad that no physical evidence exists.

Next up was Masked rider Agigo, which is a game based off of the Japanese television series Kamen Rider. This game was one of the prettiest games that I can remember from the tourney and the actual movement from the characters looked great. This game was not responsive at all and even if you wanted to use one of your strong attacks it would take about 4 seconds to load the damn thing up before you could go and use it. None the less I won this game as well. Once again I cannot get a picture of the game I am referencing so deal with it.

After that came Heaven’s Gate which is a game so bad that wikipedia does not have an existing article about it. I remember it being for the PS1 and kinda reminding me of Virtua Fighter except way way worse. All I know is that I won this game as well but honestly I cannot remember anything about it upon seeing pictures other than what I just told you.

THIS GAME IS BAD! I also realize Jin looks like Hanzo from World Heroes.

The next game was Sailor Moon S, which as you could guess was a Sailor Moon fighting game. The control and response to this game are some of the saddest I have experienced. I mean they could actually be worse but holy god, I really think they just liked to rush fighting titles based on random cartoons in Japan because they know people would buy it. Think about it Sailor Moon was/might still be that popular over there so this makes sense. Once again this game was another win for the Martyr.

This game is a lot worse than it looks.

The only game I played that was not a fighting game was a heated match of Frogs and Flies. You are a frog who jumps in the air and tries to eat the dots they call flies that are on the screen. Two people go at the same time and it starts off as day and after every 30 seconds or so it gets darker and darker until it goes black and a winner is determined. This was the closest game I actually played during the entire Mystery Game match-up. It was also a great game to shout expletives as my frog would jump like a huge pussy or just jump way too hard off his lily pad due to the great controls of the Atari that we played it on. Chalk up another win.

This game is actually more fun because the controls suck so bad. I have never cussed more at a game in a short amount of time then I did at this one.

The final game I would win at was Natsuke Crisis Battle and it was for the Super Famicom. After getting my ass kicked the first round I had the misfortune of picking the female version of Zangief and somehow pulled off some of the biggest bullshit moves once I figured out she was just like him. I do not mean in the spamming lariat sense, but the 360 degree rotation while jumping to throw my opponent into the ground type of character.

Very obscure never heard of game of good god damn reasons.

Finally I was able to play a arcade game for the tourney and it was Karate Champ. This game has one of the least responsive controls I have ever seen in a fighting game. You play until you get two full points or the time runs out. Points are given based on the attack you use and where you inflict the attack. You use two joysticks, one moves you and the other helps attack. Depending on the two directions you move the joysticks, you can do front flips, jump kicks, and other crazy karate shit. Biggest problem with this game is that the hit detection has to be really perfect. If you are off by 1/18th of a second or if you are kinda too close to them the move will not be  completed. None the less I had a hell of a fight but still lost by a half a point.

There is not a better feeling than executing the jump kick for the full point. TO THE FACE.

The last game I was able to play for this was the very creatively named FIST. This by far was the worst thing that I played the entire day. I really wish I could get a picture of it just to show you how bad it is. The controls were terrible, the game play was worse. It was on the PS1 but I swear it looked and felt like a blind man made a game using random code that sounded good to him in his mind and he turned it into FIST. 

Yep this is all I could find. Thank you Ebay.

After my two losses I had to get ready for the final tournament of the night and I am not sure where I finished exactly I just know that I did really damn good and came pretty close to actually getting to the final. I then had to prepare myself to be entered into the King of Iron Fist Tournament, or at least the sixth edition of Tekken anyway. As fate would have it I had to go up against my buddy Jesse in the first part of a round robin event. Each match was 3 out of 5 rounds and 2 out of three fights. The first match I decided to use Bruce and after Jesse dominated the shit out of me I looked him in the eyes told him I was sorry and picked Eddy Gordo. I do feel bad that I had to use one of the cheapest characters against a guy that never really plays Tekken too much but I needed to get that first (and only win of the day) so I chose him and beat Jesse’s ass. I decided that after the fight Jesse and I had that I had to pick a character I was good with that was not someone people knew how to defend well. I thought about Eddy again, but he is a beginner character so I knew I stood no chance with him…after several minutes of debate I said “Fuck It” and I picked Jack 6. Jack is slow as all hell but is very powerful and has great reach and the ability to put the opponent into the air to juggle…slight problem is that I am not good enough with him to know how to consistently keep the person in the air. Overall I faced about 10 different people and lost to all of them. Most of my matches were very close and I met a few people that will be at the Power Up event at the end of the month that I plan on attending.

While playing against all these great players I was told a few different things from some of the participants.

1: The fact that I chose Jack when almost no one really is comfortable with him, threw most of my enemies off because they did not know what to expect.

2: I am very good at blocking and anticipating low attacks which is key to keeping a match as close as it can be given most juggle attacks start from a low to high position.

3: That for it being my first tournament that apparently I was skilled a lot higher than anyone thought I would have been when I told people it was my first tournament.

4: That the word Perfect, is described as “The seven golden letters” and you better not let that shit happen to you.

Like I said before this was one of the best things I had ever done and I learned a lot from it. Met a lot of awesome people who seem to want me to go back, and I earned the respect of people I have never met because I had the balls to pick a character that no one plays with while trying to compete with people much better than my sorry ass. If you ever have the chance to go to Arcade Legacy you need to. It is 10 bucks to play all night, and all the games are free and set up so all you have to do is hit the start button to enjoy some classics such as Killer Instinct, MVC2, Point Blank and many others. For further understanding check their website.

http://arcadelegacy.wordpress.com/

A boxer is about to punch a man made of fire in the dick it appears, I do not think I need to explain how awesome that really is.

Nevertheless the story line behind the game goes a little something like this. There is this big company named Ultratech who has completely taken over the world and all forms of government. They decide it is in their best interest to form a huge fighting tournament to test some of the diabolical creations that they have made in their secret labs. They also invite a few regular participants, or at least that what they say, I mean last time I checked a skeleton, a wulf (made by Ultratech and yes wulf is correct spelling), a Indian, a ninja, a raptor (made by Ultratech), a alien (captured by Ultratech), a criminal who is apparently on fire all the damn time, a secret spy, and a two headed what the fuck, are not even close to what I would call normal. The one man who is normal to a certain degree is former heavyweight champion of the world T.J. Combo. I mean he technically he did totally have his arms replaced by cybernetics but at least he had the common courtesy to have them covered up with synthetic skin unlike that asshole Jax from Mortal Kombat. If the person wins they basically get promised something by Ultratech, because once again this coporation rules the world and can basically do whatever they feel the need to.

The list of people to choose from is as follows

Thunder – Indian who is trying to find his lost brother who went “missing” after the tournament the year before. He is armed with tomahawks.

Fulgore- A 1 year old cybernetic badass that the tournament is basically funded for, just to test out how much PWNAGE it can deal out. If he wins the competition then mass production will begin.

Glacius- Alien captured by Ultratech and is promised freedom is he can win. His name comes from the fact that he is basically liquid ice (sounds logical right?) and can shape shift.

Cinder – Criminal who was captured by Ultratech and was told that he can be set free if he put up with some chemical testing, which went wrong and now his body is comprised of flames. If he can kill Glacius then he will get returned to his original form.

Jago - Tibetan monk who is trying to rid himself of the evil within and somehow thinks that it is his destiny to destroy Ultratech.

Riptor- A human/raptor hybrid that was created by Ultratech and is being tested as a killing machine in this compitition.

Sabrewulf- Count Von Sabrewulf is infected with lycanthropy and is promised a cure by Ultratech if he wins. A side note on him is that he is a reference to Sabre Wulf the first game that Rare ever made.

Spinal – A skeletal warrior who fights because he loves it. I kid you not I have no other reason other than that.

Come on do you think this skeleton would love to cuddle you next to the fire in the background?

T.J. Combo- Former heavyweight boxer who held the title for 5 years until it was found out that he had cybernetic arms that basically kicked the asses of the opponents for him. If he wins the title Ultratech will let him drive around in his pink 64′ Caddy and regain the title he had lost.

B. Orchid- Hired as a secretary for Ultratech, she turns out to be a spy for some unknown corporation, and to top that off has what might be the best or ugliest rack ever…one of her finishing moves she flashes the opponent and they have a heart attack.

Eyedol- The final boss of the game. He is a two headed piece of shit who does nothing but deplete your health bar in very cheap ass ways, and can regain his health slightly when he stomps on the ground like a dumbass. Did I mention he has a club? Oh I failed to mention that? It will not matter because he will give your face and attitude a slight adjustment with it. Ultratech released him out of his dimensional prison to kick some ass.

My only real beef with Ultratech is the fact that they use all these people to try to prevent shit from happening, and they also use them to control the world. They get the people they want dead to appear at this thing and use others already in it to possibly kill them. Honestly this is sound reasonable logic until you factor in that they just want to control the whole world…WHICH THEY ALREADY HAVE DONE DUE TO THE FACT THAT EVERY PLACE IN THE WORLD HAS NO WORKING GOVERNMENT BECAUSE THEY ALREADY TOOK IT OVER IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE.

This game is different from other fighting games for a few different reasons but I will only mention the ones that actually matter. Instead of fighting in “Rounds” you have two health bars that you have to deplete to kill the enemy. To explain that better if you were fighting and depleted the enemies first health bar without getting hit, now they have one health bar to try to kick ass while you still have both of yours. The fighting is continuous which is a good thing for this game. Next up is the combo system which is not like others at all. In Mortal Kombat for example you might have to do something like “High punch, Low kick, Low punch, High punch” to do a four hit combo. Well Rare said “Fuck that shit” and decided to make combos have a much more automatic feel. They do this by you hitting a certain button, or even preforming a special move that will have a string of hits to it. Everyone has special moves but one special move for each character specifically can be performed in the complete opposite direction to enable its use to maximize combos. If you were using a character that had a move such as “Hold Back for two seconds, press forward and medium punch” well you could also do it by “Holding forward for two seconds pressing back and then medium punch.”

Back to the combo topic, the goal for the most part is to do as much damage at one time as possible so the bigger the combo the better the damage. Each combo you do will have a specific name based on the number of hits it has, all you really need to know is that 8 is Awesome and anything from 12-17 is a Killer combo, which will be shouted at you by the manliest announcer in the history of games. Another cool feature is that if your enemies second life bar is flashing red you can either 1: End the match with a combo that ends in a “No Mercy” move which makes the combo a “Ultimate” combo. Or 2: You can actually do an automatic super combo simply known as an ultra, which will range anywhere from 18-80 hits if you are a badass, or can glitch the game out. There is not a better feeling in this game than when you kick the ass of your friend and end it on an ultra, once the ultra hits you can sit back and watch the destruction which for me is usually me throwing the controller to the ground as to say “I DA SHIT” as I look at my friend letting them know that yes they did get owned, and yes they can do nothing to stop it.

Alright if you are not new to the Internet then I guarantee you know this game for one thing alone and you probably had no idea where it came from. In the middle of owning face with combos, or if you are the one getting owned with combos, a combo breaker (pronounced “C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER) can be done and it will automatically disrupt the attacking party with a move that will make them take damage and embarrass them at the same time. It is effective, and the computer uses it all the damn time just to get under your skin. I dare you to try and beat the final boss without having him break one combo and then take half your life with a 5 hit combo. When fighting you have to make a choice, do you do huge combos with the hopes that your opponent is retarded, or do you do small ones knowing that a combo breaker can not be used unless you do a combo of 6 hits or more. The choice is yours and honestly you will live and die by the choices you make in this game. Speaking of dying  just like other fighting games at the time there is a time at the end of the match to kill your fallen comrade with what they call a “No Mercy” move. Honestly alot of them are terrible, but there are a few that are pretty awesome. Fulgore transforms into a turret and shoots the shit out of the other person, even Orchid flashes some titty. Other than that they are pretty bland. They do have a few stages that can allow for some pretty cool falling to their death….deaths. All you have to do is hit them into the air when they are right on the edge and boom, instant gratification.

The graphics to this game are simply mind-boggling, this game was the first to use a Hard Disk Drive which allowed them to basically make this game the prettiest game that had yet existed on the fighting game market, and do yourself a favor play Virtua Fighter, and then play this and tell me that this game does not blow the other out of the water. The sounds are perfect for this game. The sound effects that they use really are fitting and its very good that they actually took the time to not make every male character sound the same and every female sound the same as well. They use different noises based on what character is getting rocked and that’s the best part. Every character sounds pretty much like you would expect them to. The music is badass and had a CD that came with the SNES version when it came out in 1995 called Killer Cuts, and yes I do own it thanks for asking. The difficulty for this game is adjustable just like most fighting games back then but its hit or miss. It is either really easy or completely bat-shit insane.

Eyedol is such an asshole. Good luck trying to deal with any of his bullshit he is about to pull on you.

I played this game first at an old pizza place, but I really got good at it when it made its jump to the SNES. I can say there is only one person I have yet to beat the game with and that is Jago, I am just not good with him at all. Everyother person is at least moderate for me but with him I am nothing short of a huge piece of shit. My favorite character personally due to his combos is easily Sabrewulf, but am probably best with either Combo, or Fulgore. This game was so groundbreaking a popular, they did make a sequel Killer Instinct 2 that had alot of differences which I will get to in a review of it eventually. Hell the main man from Rare said he would not mind either putting the original out on the Xbox Arcade, or making a third if he could get the backing of some company to actually help them. I swear this shit needs to happen so badly, I mean let me say this much, KI 1 was one of the best games ever made for the arcade, and it’s port to the SNES is one of the best games on the system. Then you have KI 2 which was not bad in its own right but was not the same as the first, so they need to make a third and push the envelope as much as possible. By the way did I mention this was also popular enough to actually have a card game in the same setup like Magic, which I have never seen but that’s simply amazing.

On second thought….maybe Glacius is actually cooler than most people think he is….COOLER GET IT?

Then again hes getting his face melted by Fulgore…I guess the verdict is still out on this one.

To provide more information on this game I will refer you to the definitive Killer Instinct website on the Internet.

http://killerinstinctonline.net/KIARC.htm

I also wanted to add the Roms, but the Internet decided to give me the middle finger and refuse to upload what I wanted. Sorry for the inconvenience but I think the readers are big enough boys/girls/boy-girls to find them on their own.

]]> http://seventytwopinconnector.com/2010/03/22/killer-instinct/feed/ 1 http://seventytwopinconnector.com/2009/12/08/the-king-of-dragons/ http://seventytwopinconnector.com/2009/12/08/the-king-of-dragons/#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:18:23 +0000 morter1987 http://seventytwopinconnector.com/?p=1966 Ladies and gentlemen once again I bring you to another Capcom classic. This game is called The King of Dragons, and it was released in 1991 for the arcade and then later ported to the SNES in 1994. Why am I taking the time to review another game from this company that is about fantasies involving knights, dragons, cyclopsis, and other crazy ass beings? This game is better than Knights of the Round and Quiz and Dragons combined, that’s why.

This is a promo flyer that they used to get people to want to play/buy the game and there is no way in hell that this game fails at doing either.

This game takes place in a fictional land named Malus that is being completely run into the ground by a big dragon named Gildess. Gildess has dispatched all his army of random beasts and men, to destroy the entire countryside. Once he had succeeded it was up to our fair heroes of this story to try to make a big bit of difference and take him down once and for all. Just like Knights of the Round, this is a side scrolling beat em’ up that has RPG elements, only this time they are much more noticeable. After every two stages or so your character will pick up a new weapon that will increase his attack strength, and if your lucky you will be able to pick up a shield that will increase defense as well. The weapon, and shield will be labeled with a certain level, but you can be any level when you get them, so you can be a level 3 and get a level 6 shield and vice versa. You can level up at any time during a level if you do good enough or collect enough jewels while fighting. Honestly if you can time it right the easy way to gain exp is by attacking the arrows that get shot at you by certain enemies, because when you do it counts as double the exp compared to just blocking them.

You are able to pick from one of 5 different masters of their own craft to get the countryside back in the right hands, so here is the rundown or the choices you will have.

1: Elf – The elf, is the fastest character and has the farthest range of any of the men you can choose from but the problem is he has no defense, and dies very easily. He is the only character that cannot increase his defense throughout the game, and he cannot even equip a shield like all the others can, he is the worst character in my opinion but an experienced player can actually do quite well with him if you can counter constantly.

2: Wizard- Ok this wizard is not the same as the one in quiz and dragons who kicked way too much ass for his own good. This wizard has low defense and low speed, but has the second biggest range and has the best magic….which should be pretty obvious. His defense is upgradable, although the speed of his attacks are not. To begin the game he honestly sucks, with no strength but eventually becomes what might be the strongest in the game, he also gains the ability to do multi-hit attacks, so that helps out a lot.

3: Fighter- The fighter is a big, brute of a man. He has decent speed and defense which can be very helpful if you can use them effectively. His magic is by far the worst but he makes up for it by regaining his health the fastest out of all the characters. He can also wield a shield that can be used to deflect certain attacks from enemies such as bows, and sword attacks.

4: Cleric-By the grace of God this man has the best defense and actually is a very easy character to use even for a beginner. His biggest drawback is the fact that he has no speed or agility, but to counteract that his magic and strength is pretty high up there. He also gets a shield to defend himself with, and he seems to level faster than the other characters for some reason.

5: Dwarf- This man has balls of steel, and can swing an axe like no ones business. He has what I would say is the second slowest attack speed, but is actually quite fast with decent defense, and has crazy agility for such a little man beast. He also has the worst range, and really weak magic which should be no suprise.He like the fighter and cleric carries a shield that is very effective if used right.

To be completely honest if I had to choose between them, I normally pick the fighter or the cleric. To me they are the most balanced and are very good for people that have never played and they are even good for the most experienced veterans as well.

These are the men you will get to choose from and to be honest, they all look like they are ready to kill everything in their paths.

As soon as you pick your character you are thrust into the action and have to traverse through 16 different levels on your quest. You will travel across the countryside, go into caves, go on a viking ship and a lot of other locations as well. The controls for this game are broken down to two buttons, one to attack and the other to jump. If you push the two together you will use your magical ability the only downside to this is the fact that when used you will actually lose health, and if you are a character like the fighter who’s magic is not up to snuff then there really is no point in even using it. If you have a character that has a shield you can hit back on the joystick at the perfect time to deflect certain attacks and that is very important unless you want to keep pumping quarters into the machine, or having to reset your SNES cartridge. The game-play is classic in the sense that you can tell the game is from the early 90′s but in no way am I knocking it for that reason. It is actually alot of fun and quite addicting from the first time you slash, shoot an arrow, or whatever your character does to destroy your enemies. I will be honest a lot of the stages are short, but the ones that are not can actually be quite brutal on the ass kicking. Mind you, in this game you will go up against, minotaurs, werewolves, mummies, wraiths, dragons, wizards, lizard-men, giant spiders, and a lot more in the game. Each of the bosses are hard with the exception of the wraith who can be very easy if you get the timing down just right. If you have the manhood to make it all the way to the final boss you will be in one hell of a fight for your life. You have to fight Gildess and I shit you not he takes up about 75% of the screen when he is on it. His attacks are that he can grab you, spit fireballs, and just engulf you in flame. The biggest challenge is that he is so damn big it is so easy to think your about to ruin his world only to have him turn you into a human bonfire.

This is one of the bosses, and yes hes a gray dragon mixed with a knight which is one of the most bad-ass things ever invented. Sadly I cannot find a picture of the final boss Gildess, which is why I have found a video to show him instead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaiSekPniRs&feature=PlayList&p=E814C727A6FAFBDD&index=15

The music to this game is very important because I really think that Capcom nailed it perfectly. They took older sound effects, and mixed them with different music and made it unbelievable. The one piece of music that sticks out is when you get to fight the final boss Gildess, it honestly is one of the most epic pieces of music I have ever heard when it comes to fighting a boss.

Is there any reason that Capcom threw mummies into this game? Probably for the same reason there is a ninja in Quiz and Dragons.

To this day I will play this game and be remembered about the first time I showed a good friend of mine how awesome it is as we were drinking Kettle One Vodka. Each time that we get the opportunity to, we will still play this game to this day because it truly is one of the best games that Capcom has ever made, its just a shame that a lot of the good things they have made always get slept on. I can compare them to the music industry actually, most of what is awesome is overshadowed by all the things that people remember them being famous for. If you ever get the chance to play this on MAME or SNES you really need to do it, this game has a high ranking on the Martyr seal of approval. The only problem is that the SNES is inferior to the MAME by far in my opinion, hell you can’t even play with three people on the SNES like you could in the arcade which to me is a huge damn shame. I really wish that more games like this existed, but Capcom did make two Dungeon and Dragons arcade games which from what I have seen are kinda similar so eventually I will get to them but until them please find a way to play this game, and if you don’t like it you can send your mail to me and I will refuse to read it due to an invalid argument on your behalf.

Mame Rom File:

kodu

Like my virtually imageless Aladdin retrospect (aside from Skizz’s half) I have no actual pictures for this one on Captain Commando, that’s not because I didn’t take any screenshots.  My computer’s internal hard drive crashed a few weeks back and my pictures were on that.  So instead of using Google Images, I’m just gonna post some pictures off of deviant art, which will hopefully add some much needed zest to my look back at

CAPTAIN COMMANDO!!!

the name alone inspires quasi-patriotic pa-thumping in the hearts of retro-gaming man-children all over the globe.  It may be just the liquor talking but I love this game and if it started paddling me with a wooden plank I would easily please ask for more and love every minute of it.  And like a good Capcom beat-em-up, it actually DOES continuously and repeatedly whoop my ass with its giant wooden board of challenging opponents and no saves.  Yet I still DO come back for more.  And why?  Why do I love the beating so?  Because it has quality.

A good game can be perceived as one with interesting environments, colorful enemies, challenging boss fights, and solid controls.  Luckily Captain Commando has all of these.  A tough but not impossible difficulty curve may also be expected from an arcade style (no saves, but lives) beat-em-up, which the Cap’m also brings to the table.  But a game truly becomes unique when you have a choice of playing as several fascinating characters, not just the stereotypical Ryu clone in red.  And that’s what I really loved about CapC.  The game bleeds crazy, creative fun from every part of it.

Playable characters are the robo-suited Baby Commando, backwards-baseball-cap wearing Mummy Commando, the titular Captain Commando, and the Ninja Commando…who is a ninja.  While there basic abilities are similar, they each have a bizarre personality to their looks and moves that makes them uniquely their own.  The enemies vary from fire-breathing midgets, to samurai, to neanderthal ladies.  And you travel from aquarium to museum to cave system to outer-space, with an added waterway chase scene after a mad scientist.

Captain Commando is an unapologetically colorful and fun side-scrolling beat-em-up, and if you’ve never played it, please, please, please check it out and have lots of great times doing so.

A long time ago, back when the SNES had the home console market by the balls, there was a big corporation named Disney that asked another company, named Capcom, to make games for it.  Capcom said to Disney, “Yes!  I will make for you games!  I will make for you the greatest games imaginable!!!”  And so Capcom set about making the greatest Disney titles ever and the greatest of all of these was known as Disney’s Aladdin.

Disney’s Aladdin was an extremely short game, with only seven levels, though arguably the lack of saves and limited lives made up for it, but the gameplay in Aladdin was top notch and the levels were beautifully designed.  In the traditional 2D platforming way you usually jumped on each enemy’s head to defeat them, on top of that you could throw apples to temporarily stun them at range.  You could use ledges and and pegs to climb and swing smoothly through each level and were able to use a blanket for gliding.  The simple but fluid controls are reminiscent of last gen Prince of Persia titles, making Aladdin arguably the closest thing to a 2D Prince of Persia (and this includes the original Prince of Persia).

The levels go from sandy streets to lava filled volcanoes to heavenly casino, and the progression doesn’t feel particularly forced.  This is partially because the films story is used to connect each area to the next in pointless still cut-scenes, and it is secondly due to the fact that each level is so pretty and different that you can’t help but embrace them.  Aside from platforming there are two levels taking place on the magic carpet (each on total opposite ends of the game’s difficulty curve) and there is the occasional boss fight.  Alongside the varied gameplay is the game’s actual length, which isn’t very long at all, that ensure you won’t get very bored by repetition.  Sometimes shorter can be sweeter.

Disney’s Aladdin is probably one of the most remarkable examples of 2D platforming, which will seem a little strange if you’re one of those jerks that believe anything Disney does is supposed to automatically be bad.  So with great controls and great design Aladdin has a warm little place in my heart.

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Since dear old Chadley reviewed the SNES version, I thought I’d throw my hat (or fez) into the ring with the Sega version. If you haven’t had the chance to play both versions you truly missed out. Both have great things to offer… but I have to side with Sega’s version since I played the shit out of it back in teh day.

The biggest difference between the two is the style of attack. Both versions have the apple throwing ability which can make or break a situation (SKIZZ’S ADVICE: if you’re playing the Sega version, CONSERVE YOUR APPLES! You’ll thank me when you battle Jafar and you’re not completely screwed). SNES’ version lacks one key component: the sword-wielding Aladdin. The SNES version utilizes a lot of acrobatics (including being able to VAULT OFF OF BATS to get to higher areas. The physics of that scenario are baffling until you remember it’s a video game) but slicing guards and various enemies with an Arabian Sabre feels pretty great.

Like the SNES version, there are a lot of great (yet different) maps to travel through. The desert level has one of my favorite secrets of all time. At some point, you’ll find clothes hanging on a line along with a hat with Mickey Mouse ears. Stand under it (as if to wear it) for a few seconds and you’ll get a 1Up. Fun stuff!

One of the most frustrating levels in the game is the dungeon. You have to work your way up to the top by correctly timing when the stones in the wall come forward. You hop up on them and try not to get hit by exploding skeletons and the like. Time it wrong and you could find yourself plummeting to the bottom to begin anew.

Even MORE frustrating than that is the escape from the Cave of Wonders on Carpet. It starts off slow but gains momentum as the level progresses. With the help of Genie…’s hand, you are given the direction to head towards. Which becomes a little tricky when you’re darting past your doom at high speeds. The best way to go about this is to chill in the middle and await your direction. But beware, at some point there will be a giant rock blocking your way in the middle. Hit it and it’s back to the beginning of the ride. So it’s a matter of knowing where little chunks of bullshit like that reside.

Aladdin is a game that is really easy to underestimate, possibly due to it’s Disney nature. But keep your wits about you or you’ll be out of continues in no time. And, again, SAVE YOUR APPLES. Max those bitches out and use them only when necessary. As the game progresses they become more and more scarce and you do NOT want to walk into that final battle without them. Belie’dat!

[SkizZ]

He has a cape and is flying on a lizard….FUCK YES.

This game kept some of the same power-ups and random shit that SMB3 had but it also had a few new things, such as his badass little dinosaur/dragon/stretchy tongued lizard thing Yoshi. Enough about the repetitive storyline and random characters, lets get to the game review itself. I remember the first time playing this when I was just 4 years old on a Sears game demo machine, and being in love with it right away. I grew up on Nintendo until 1990-91 when I had received a Sega for my birthday, so seeing one of the most beloved characters of my early childhood in a brand new game blew my mind. When I saw it I automatically asked for a SNES but obviously that was not going to happen, so I had to wait several years until I had a few friends that owned a SNES before I could really sink my teeth into how amazing this game really is. First off lets talk about the graphics. This game is pretty…and I mean very pretty. It is crazy how a game that was released that early on in the systems life can actually come close to being the best looking game on the system, to me the only games prettier are maybe Donkey Kong Country, F-Zero, and Killer Instinct. Each environment that you get to play in has the perfect feel to the world that it is located in. Mind you there are a total of seven worlds that you must go through before you get to Bowser, but if you are good at this game then you will not have a problem getting to him pretty quickly. Difficulty is a strong point in this game only if you have not had the opportunity to play this game over and over again. If you are not used to a Mario game then this one will kick your ass constantly, but if you are a veteran of the series or just a veteran of this game then you will be the one to give it the good old fashioned curb stomping. Another thing about the difficulity is the fact that a decent amount of the stages when beat by finishing the level in a regular fashion, does absolutely nothing. In the Forest of Illusion you have to beat 4 out of 7 levels in a different non conventional fashion just to get out of that world. Even the “Ghost Houses” have to be beat by puzzle solving even if it is quite simplistic, it will fuck your mind the first couple of times. The bosses are not hard but the castles they are located in can be very difficult if you have no idea what you need to do. Last but not least Bowser’s castle is broken into two sets of rooms labeled 1-4 and then 5-8, I suggest rooms 2, and then 6 because they seem to be the easiest. When you get past that and you finally get to Bowser, he throws random “Mechabowsers” at you while he rides in his clown-face death-ship. You hit him with the toys twice, he leaves to throw flames at you, he will then throw cannonballs, and more toys. Hit him again twice he just abuses the shit out of his death-ship by slamming it into the platform you are on, hit him two more times and there you go…you beat the game. Obviously you know the music for this game had to be nothing short of golden, and you would be right, every song in the game is basically a different version of the main theme to this game just with different time scales, and different styles such as a Waltz for the Ghost Houses. Mind you this whole game soundtrack was composed by Koji Kondo, all by electronic keyboard and nothing else.

Just look how happy and sinister that clown-face death-ship is, you are scared shitless right now.

I remember last year living in college when I went to the community room and there was a SNES with this game in it. I played it and beat it in about 3 hours and 5 minutes or something like that, while ending the game with 42 lives, due to the amount that you can rack up during certain levels in the game. I decided to play the game and beat it before I did this review and I beat the game in 1 hour and 40 minutes, while having 56 lives left (I had 61 at one point). This is in no way a record due to the fact that a lot of people that do speed runs go through the short cuts and go through star road (the bonus secret set of levels) to go straight to Bowser. I beat all the stages that you have to to get to him, so I ran through the 7 worlds and beat the stages. I am not trying to brag honestly I just figured I would add this in here to prove the point that if you play this game enough or have enough experience with the older games of the series this one will not really produce too hard of a challenge.

Welcome to Dinosaur World…this is just an overview there are confusing levels in that forest of grimacing trees, and a levels in those blue doors. Either way Mario can still kick its ass.

To me this is the definitive title on the SNES, I do not care what anyone says. I understand that Chrono Trigger was a great game, and you could name as many games as you want to me but I will still say that Super Mario World is the definitive title. If you somehow have not played this game yet you need to get the rom and have a good old dose of Super NEStalgia right fucking now.

Bowser family photo (Not Pictured: That cocktease/whore Peach who had to have mothered these children and I mean willingly as well.)

King K. Rool is up to his shenanigans once again! This time around, instead of stealing a cave full of bananas he kidnaps DONKEY KONG!!! OH NOOOOO! But worry not, for the young monkey warrior known as DIDDY KONG rushes to action with the help of his girlfriend, Dixie.

Holy cannoli! Sounds like there’s a promise of good times and barrel breaking! Gee Whiz!

The level design in DKC2 adds to the list of evidence that the world of 2D has plenty to offer an avid gamer. They’re fun, challenging, and sometimes fuckin’ infuriating. But once you pick up that controller and press Start, you’ve made a vow to save DK. So you’re gonna have to bite the cannonball on this one… that is if you’re a nub and can’t dodge… or you’re catching the rain of K. Rool’s bullshit storm (which I’ll go into later).

Like the original DKC, some levels require “Animal Buddies”come to your aids… aid.

Rambi the Rhino

Enguarde the Swordfish

Squaks the Parrot

Squitter the Spider

Rattly the Rattlesnake.

Every once in awhile you’ll run into Clapper the Seal, bounce on that bitch to turn lava into water and water into ice. Don’t question the physics, bizzitch.

The soundtrack is easily one of the best I’ve heard in a video game. So much of it seems like it was created with extensive use of magic. My theory concerning the main ingredients: Hopes and Dreams. Songs befit their environments very well, almost as if the time was taken to make it that way.

This proves my point exponentially:

Chad had this to add:

Chad:
“DKC2 was not a bad addition to the Donkey Kong Family, but it was never my favorite. The levels were a bit tougher than the first one, the levels are REALLY well put together, and the new mounts were an interesting change of pace…(fuck that snake). But children, the only problem I had with the game was that it lacked the title character. Instead we were given Dixie Kong, a gangsta whore with helicopter hair. This weak lil girl was hardly a replacement for the big manly Donkey Kong, whom I love so much. Her mobility pales in comparison next to DKs brute strength. Bros before hoes. Remember that kids. Bros before hoes…”

He has a few really good points, the main one being bros before hoes. Another being that the title character is missing. However, in a way the title character is there. Although the game is part of the DKC series, the subtitle is “Diddy’s Kong Quest.” So you could argue either way. True, DK is a powerhouse and that can be a burden at times. But there’s really only one character you deal with where that lack of muscle becomes a problem. Agility is a key skill that constantly comes into play. Knowing how to manipulate actions, ranging from bouncing on rows of enemies to throwing your teammate at coins and other pickups that are hard to reach, become even more important in this sequel. The fact that neither DK or DIDDY returned in the third one was an interesting choice in bullshittery. I don’

t give a fuck about a gigantic baby gorilla! This is DONKEY KONG CUNTRY, BITCH!

Did I mention there are MULTIPLE roller coaster levels? Because there are!
And damn are they fun.

Remember to find all the DK coins or else Mario and Yoshi… I’ll let you figure it out.

SPOILER ALERT!!!
So you’ve finally made it to the top, good for you! That fakeout was crazy, huh! No, you’re not quite there yet. Get through a few slightly tricksy levels and you’ll reach that fat-fuck, KING K. ROOL.

Get ready, because this’ll be quite a battle if you don’t know what he’s going to do. Which, if this is your first time fighting him, will most definitely be the case. But fear not! I’m here to walk you through it:

(Warning: this is for people who want to know King K. Rool’s strategy. If you’re not interested, do not read further. Or skip to the bottom)

As the battle begins, Rool will shoot a cannonball out of his giant musket… that happens to shoot cannonballs. Grab that bitch and hold on, also be ready to jump over Rool as he zips to the other side of the screen using the musket propulsion. When he gets to the other side, the musket will turn to a vacuum which will pull you towards him. Toss the cannonball into the vacuum and be ready to jump, this is the key to K. Rool’s defeat. The gun will spark twice before Rool fires it back, dodge it.
Next, he’ll shoot out a cannonball with spikes to the center of the ship. Be ready to jump over this AND K. Rool as he rushes to the other side and back. The spiked ball will turn back into a regular cannonball, chuck it into the vacuum.
Uh oh! Now he’s got TWO spiked cannonballs! Hop into the space between the two and wait Rool’s glide, which he does three times this time. One of the spiked balls will turn to a normal cannonball. You should know what to do with it by now.
This is where things start to get a little hairy. Rool will act like he’s down for the count while Donkey Kong is lowered, tied by a rope. A DK barrel will appear, so hit that shit if you need to because the match isn’t over.
Next, Rool will shoot a barrage of spikes at you. Which you will either have to jump over or duck under. Eventually, he’ll shoot a barrel at you. Jump on it to reveal a cannonball. By the way, the cannonballs gradually travel faster when being shot back at you. So be on the lookout.
Rool will glide to the other side of the screen then shoot bouncing spiked cannonballs at you ranging from low to medium to high heights. Get the timing down and this isn’t really a huge problem, you can run under ones of medium/high height. Just don’t get cocky. Wait for the barrel, get the cannonball and… you know.
After gliding to the other side, Rool will shoot swirling spiked cannonballs. Another matter of timing and knowing how to move around them. But it doesn’t end there… after dodging three single-balled attacks (teehee) you’ll have to deal with three double-balled attacks (BWAHA). Another barrel after that, yada yada.
Following this will be another fakeout by K. Rool, with another DK barrel in case you need it.
After he glides back to the left is when things really start to get interesting. He shoots what seem to be spirits out of his musket. The first fleet of three come in the form of ice. Helicopter glide with Dixie to dodge. But if you get hit by one or more, you’ll be frozen. Button-mash your way out of your ice casing before Rool glides into you. Luckily, he glides at a slower pace for this round… but don’t get used to it. Because right after, he’ll turn slightly transparent and glide at you. After that, he’ll turn invisible and glide. The best way to avoid this is to watch for the dust that kicks up when he is moving. Once you see that, jump as far and as high as you can to the left side of the screen. Another ball, another vacuum.
He glides back to the left and this time shoots out bouncing red spirits that slow down your movement. As long as you see it as Bullet Time you’ll be good. Just watch out because a few spikes are coming your way. Time your dodges correctly and you’ll live to see the next round.
Another glide to the right and he’ll begin shooting purple specters. This little fuckers reverse your movement. If you press right on the D-Pad, you’ll move left and vice versa. These ones come at you in circular motions, so switch to Dixie and move to the left side of the screen. When they get close to you, time their movements, jump and use the helicopter glide.
Right after that, he’ll turn back to his transparent form and appear at different places on the ship. When he appears, run away from him because he’s using the vacuum to pull you in. If he does, you catch the butt of his musket. Be careful, he’s getting desperate! After throwing the ball into the musket, the timing is different on the return. Meaning you have to wait a couple seconds before the sparks signal that the gun is about to go off. Play it cool and you’ve obtained victory. Because after that the battle is over!

DK comes down from the ceiling and gives Rool a swift uppercut out of the ship. Landing him at the bottom of Crocodile Isle where he will be eaten by sharks.

So that’s that! Show your appreciation for the classics by playing this game. One of the last truely great Rareware games before they bit the dust. It deserves your attention.

NOW BEAT IT, KID!

SNES – Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy Kong’s Quest

What a wonderful staple of my childhood. The first time I ever had the chance to play SMW was at a Big Bear. Yeah, remember that grocery store chain that bit the dust years ago? They had a SNES in a little section for parents to drop their kids off when they drove them crazy (I fell fittingly into this category). Being a Sega child, I only had a couple friends who owned a Super Nintendo so I clung to that SNES at Big Bear. Kids wanting their turn got the silent treatment because there was no way I was letting go. Normally, I wasn’t that kid… but this was Super Fuckin’ Mario Fuckin’ World. 

Christmas united me with this classic thanks to the glory of the Virtual Console. I purchased this and Donkey Kong Country 2 (which Chad should probably review before I get to it first… duh duh DUUUUUUUH!).

Where to begin… SMW was the pinnacle  of the 2D Mario experience on the old school console. Yoshi came onto the scene, control over flight became amiable with the cape, not to mention you get to rehash the joy of decimating the Koopa Kids. Fuck those little bastards… literally, they’re bastards. Where’s the mother? Bowser would be a horrible father and an even worse single father. The only logical explanation is that Bowser got that Peach punanny on 8 occasions. What a whore.

See, total whore.

How do you think she can pull all of those turnips out of her dress? You guessed right, she’s got a gaping vagine… it looks like a pink hot tub…

Getting sidetracked…

SMW excelled at making cool looking environments

Welcome to Dinosaur Island. Those numbers you see are the rubble of castles guarded by a Koopa Kid. Your mission is to save the stolen Yoshis from these castles. Technically, you can beat the game without doing all that but then you’d be a pussy. Either that or you’re going for a speed run, then I guess I can understand that… IF you beat the world record.

For those who like a little spook every once in awhile in their adventure, there are also Ghost Houses along the way.

Home of the Boo in varied forms:

If you’ve never had to deal with a Boo, it’s quite simple. Just look at them and they quit moving. Either out of fear or shyness… the irony is palpable. Sometimes this tactic doesn’t work, hope you’re good at dodging.

Super Mario World is a KEY game for any avid gamer. It’s a classic that I still hear talk of to this day. I have never heard an ill word said in regard to it and probably never will. I’d assume the only people who don’t have good things to say about it didn’t make it through. Which is sad because the boss battle with Bowser is one of the most entertaining battles I’ve been a part of. It’s just fun, and you get to crack Bowser on the head with Mechakoopas! How does that not spell out fun!?

All of the boss battles are fun, not that I think about it.

If you haven’t played it. If you have, play it again and smile constantly.

SNES – Super Mario World

Ah, yes, another Kirby game. They aren’t too, too common around these parts, but whenever one rolls into town, I’ll be sure to take a gander. This time we’re taking a look at Kirby Super Star. Released in 1996, this game was put out close to the end of the SNES lifespan. Kirby Super Star isn’t like the other games in the series. Instead of being one big chunk of adventure, Kirby Super Star is broken up into five different main episodes. None of them take a ton of time to complete, but the game never seems to drag on. Not the longest game in existance, but still a lot of fun.

Super Star brings some real interesting ideas to the table. No longer are you subject to just one move per power, some moves can be charged up and used in different ways. You also have the brand new option to turn your ability into a computer-controlled helper. Depending on the ability, these can range from cannon-fodder level of usefulness to a wonderful battle-hardened buddy. It can be better than this though.. they could have at least let a second player control the helper and do a co-op sort of… wait a minute… yea.. That’s in here too. As usual, HAL Laboratory and Sakurai are way ahead of the game, bringing things to the table that hadn’t been seen in a ton of games before it, but is seen as an integral part of gaming today.

Each main episode of the game has its own feel to it, none feeling better or worse than the others, just different. Super Star is a wonderful addition to the Kirby universe, and a wonderful addition to the SNES library in general. Hope you enjoy this one, it’s got some of my favorite mini-games in it. Kirby Super Star, ladies and gentlemen!

SNES – Kirby Super Star

Thanks to ZeldaElements.net for this piece of nostalgia!

I know its been a while since I’ve done a game review, but I’m gonna try to get back to it. I’ve got a game for you. It will make you cry, it will make you scream, it will make you throw your controller in disgust. Kaizo Super Mario World. Roughly translated as Super Mario Asshole. This game is so difficult, I haven’t beaten the first stage yet. Needless to say, the video that is shown isn’t mine, its an overlay of many lives, trying to beat the first stage. Its a great video that truly illustrates the level of skill needed to succeed. I’ve been playing this game on and off for a couple months and haven’t beaten the first world yet.

This game will present different ways of accomplishing tasks, such as, but not limited to:

• Using Bullet Bills as a bridge

• Using a spiny to get across a row of spikes

• Getting a mushroom only to use it to get past the next 4 seconds.

If you believe you are a Mario master and want to prove your worth, then give this a shot. A great idea, a great mod, this is one for the ages.

SNES – Kaizo Super Mario World – (2Mb)