This post is in response to the wonderful post over on Engadget about the latest release of NPD numbers concerning portable gaming.

http://www.engadget.com/2011/11/10/timber-ios-and-android-take-60-percent-cut-of-mobile-gaming-dol/

Saw an interesting story fly across the wire on Google Plus. Apparently, nearly 60% of all portable game software sold is on Android or iOS. This shouldn’t really come as a surprise, most of the world’s high-tech industries are seeing major changes as mobile platforms become the dominate form of computing, business, and entertainment. Gaming is just one of many industries being completely changed from the ground up.

In the classic system, becoming a game developer on a console or handheld system is extremely difficult and expensive. First, you must contact Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo to obtain a very expensive development kit for your particular system. This is a hard enough barrier to entry. If you have the creative ability and development skill to put a game together, but don’t have the funds for the development kit, too bad. You don’t get to create a game. Even worse than this though is the fact that game companies can deny you the sale of the developer kit for just about any reason, especially if you are just one guy who wants to make a game. Its happened before and it will happen again. The next thing you need to worry about is licensing fees. Can your game make enough money to pay the console manufacturers off so they will sign off on your game and allow people to play it on their console? Hopefully. This is why games today have publishers and game publishing has become an industry of its own. Just like artists used to need record labels before the internet music scene changed everything. Video game developers need someone to pay the bills for all the big fees and purchases. As an indie developer who wants to put out a boxed copy of your game, the barriers to entry make it almost an impossible reality.

Game companies have been attempting to help the small guys out with online stores such as Xbox Live Arcare and Xbox Live Indie Games, the PlayStation Store, and DSiWare and WiiWare. These stores have helped a great deal, but it doesn’t help capture the one thing that will make an indie game endlessly profitable: Market. Yes, all of these stores have huge numbers of users, but for the most part, people are tied to a device that are tied to a wall. In the case of the PSP or DS, indie developers run into many of the same licensing and dev kit cost issues that console developers do. The price of entry is too damn high.

Enter: The Smartphone. With the meteoric rise of smartphones and powerful always-connected mobile devices, it was only a matter of time before games on these devices took over the industry. Recent NPD numbers indicate that iOS and Android mobile game sales account for 58% of the total revenue of U.S. Portable Game Software. 58% of the industry’s revenue is because of iOS and Android games. Even the once-proud king Nintendo is down to 36%. Nintendo has always had a very cocky attitude towards competition in the mobile space after they launched the original Game Boy in 1989, always quashing the competition without so much as a second glance. Even the PSP, their biggest competition yet, stood no chance against the DS’ onslaught of sales. Nintendo has always battled against other gaming companies, but they’ve never battled against a different business model entirely, and they’re losing the game. For the first time since 1989, Nintendo isn’t winning the mobile games race.

One point to consider: These numbers signify revenue, not sales numbers or profits, but actual money brought in from sales. Some may claim that the statistics are unfair to Nintendo and Sony, its two companies versus the entire world of developers, but that’s exactly the point: Smartphone developers have no barriers to entry (aside from the $100 or $25 developer fees depending on platform) to get into the market and sell their game to the world of smartphone users. People who want to develop for the DS or PSP need to jump through rings of fire to do so. The old theory from the IBM and Microsoft days stands true, if you make it easy for developers, that’s where the programs will go, that’s where the people will go, and that’s where the money will go. And that’s exactly what’s happening in today’s smartphone-powered world. Great games can be created with small teams and put out for sale in the public market for the cost of a developer account and the time it took you to make your game, nothing more. No publishers, no additional licensing fees, no hoops. Just you, your game, and your potential customers. At this point, the developer doesn’t need to worry about making enough money to cover fees (if you make a game for $1 on either platform, 30% is taken from that, not up front like most manufacturers require), they don’t need to worry about playing politics with exclusivity, they don’t need to find a publisher for their game, they only need to worry about one thing: Reviewers. Just like its always been, the great games rise to the top. The thing developers need to concern themselves with making a great game and making sure bugs are fixed. If that happens, if the game is good enough, it can make an incredible amount of money, with almost no overhead costs, and end up fueling their bank account for the next several months.

One of the reasons that people are buying games on smartphones instead of handhelds is that the smartphone markets offer better choices for consumers, a better buying experience, and a better way of treating your customers. When I buy a Virtual Console game on the Wii, I can’t play it on my 3DS. It doesn’t work that way, Nintendo wants me to buy it twice. No thank you. If I buy Fruit Ninja, however, all I need to do is download it onto my tablet, and I’m gaming in no time. Its that easy. I buy it once and I have it forever. I upgraded my phone to the Nexus S and all of my games re-installed, it was so simple. When I bought my 3DS and the e-store opened, I couldn’t have been more disappointed. Even though I had bought games on the Wii, I thought a few would allow me to re-download them and play without being tethered to my Wii all the time, but no. They wanted me to re-buy them. The e-store on the 3DS is slow, buggy, crashes, sometimes downloads don’t complete successfully. All in all, its a bad buying experience. Because the e-store is so slow, I never open it, I check for new games every two months, if that. The e-store is simply awful to use. Now, with Android, I can read a game review of Angry Birds Rio, go to the Android Market website, and have it download without ever having to touch my phone. I get up from my computer and the app is right there on my phone. Seamless, easy, simple, helpful. These are the things I, as the consumer, should think of when I use an online store.

On Google Plus, Darnell Clayton shared this link with me and said, “Apple and Google are killing the gaming industry.” This got me thinking, are Apple and Google killing the gaming industry. Yes, but only this chapter of the industry. Here’s my response (which was a comment on the original post):

Actually Apple and Google are becoming the gaming industry. The gaming industry itself is just fine, alive and well, its just trading out cards, just like what happened with the fall of Atari. The big companies aren’t Atari and Commodore, and it isn’t going to be Microsoft and Nintendo anymore, with platforms that support open development without the need for hugely expensive SDKs and hardware, just about anyone can make a game in a few weeks that could become the hottest thing ever (see Angry Birds). Sony is in an interesting position because they aren’t only accepting this change, they are embracing it. With the release of the Xperia Play and their official PlayStation app, they wholly admit that the best gaming device is the one you have on you (like the best camera is the one you have on you), and they are making moves to thrive in that market.

If existing gaming companies don’t get a handle on the changing market, they’re dead. They will be killed by companies like Gamevil, Glu Mobile, and Halfbrick Studios. These tiny dev houses haven’t just survived the harsh gaming industry, they’ve thrived in it. Even EA Games, classically one of the more stubborn and un-inventive publishers, has made moves to exist in emerging markets like social network games (Facebook and Google+) and smartphone games. The games industry is like any other industry, when your industry is undergoing rapid change, you either evolve with it or die.

The next few years will be interesting. With Nintendo claiming that they’ll never embrace the future, clinging to their rotary phones and cassette tapes, and Sony jumping headfirst into the mobile phone space, things are going to get very interesting very quickly.

WET puts you in the boots of Rubi, a gun-for-hire who is duped into bringing the son of one Mr. Ackers to who she thinks is Mr. Ackers. Bamboozled by a doppleganger, she seeks revenge when they aim to take her out of the picture. This results in a Kill Bill-esque rampage full of bloody revenge.

Your weapons include dual pistols, dual shotguns, dual SMGs, and dual crossbows. The weapons in Rubi’s arsenal come in twos to utilize the “Split Targeting” system. It’s what it sounds like. While you’re in slow-mo (triggered by jumping and shooting or sliding and shooting), you automatically target one enemy while manually targeting another. Making for a fun and efficient way to bring cronies to the other side.

The car chase scenes remind me of The Matrix: Reloaded, full of far-fetched jumps and improbable dodges. But this is all a part of WET’s over-the-top antics, which get old quickly for some. I played this game all the way through in two sittings I was so entertained. It’s by all means a rental unless you get a good deal on it. It goes by quickly and you find yourself doing similar things from time to time, but they find ways to change up skill use throughout.

“Rage Mode” is triggered by the same cutscene in different levels. You’re minding your own business, all of the sudden a lacky will run at you like they have a chance against Rubi’s brutal fury. She guns him down in a single shot, blood splatters on her face and BOOM… Rage Mode. The level turns red and the enemies turn into faceless black and white clones which become fodder for your guns/sword.

The formula of every level is the same, with an occasional surprise car chase scene. All tied together by a grindhouse feel, grainy film which becomes increasingly more grainy as you take more and more damage. This can be a little distracting when you find yourself in a pickle. But this is one of those occasions where you have to man up.

Again, WET is a rental if you have other games you want to buy. The acrobatics are quite impressive especially when combined with the combat of split-targeting. Health comes in the form of increasing your combo-multiplier in “Arena Mode” or chugging a bottle of whiskey, tossing it in the air and shooting it. Rubi is a badass voiced by Eliza Dushku, the dialogue is nothing to write home about, but if you’re looking for a revenge tale that you can complete quickly, give WET a try.

These past couple of months have been one of the best times in gaming that I’ve seen for quite a long time.  This is surprising, and I’m a tad miffed as to why devs didn’t release these HUGE titles right before Christmas, but alas, the wait was well worth it.  Here again, we have a very big-name title that meets or exceeds it’s expectations.  Surprising, given recent year’s efforts.

Bioshock 2 takes place 10 years after the events in Bioshock.  You play as “Subject Delta”, an early prototype of the Big Daddies you saw in Bioshock 1.  Your assigned little sister is the daughter of a cultist revolutionist, Sophia Lamb.  Upon her discovery of your assignment, she convinces you to kill yourself, relinquishing your control over her daughter, Eleanor.  You are resurrected a few years later to find yourself in search of your little sister.  If you don’t find her, you die a slow and agonizing death in the tunnels of Rapture. This story is quite good, and has enough twists and turns to keep the player interested.  I wasn’t quite as enthralled as I was with Mass Effect 2, but I think this may be due more to my personality more than poor writing.

Gameplay is solid and builds on some of the (minor) mistakes that the first game made.  I really enjoyed the new mechanics involved with the drill you are given as part of your suit.  Some of the most satisfying moments from this game come merely from sneaking up on an unsuspecting splicer and ramming him or her into oblivion against a wall and twisting their innerds into a fine soup.  Other fun dynamics involve the ability to adopt little sisters and take them hunting for adam.  Your job is essentially to defend the sister while she harvests, which can be quite daunting and requires a lot of prior planning before you drop her on the ground.  Setting traps and hacking security machines is absolutely necessary for success.

As the game progresses you are given more and more powerful plasmids and weapon upgrades.  One complaint I did have, however; Is that the game became almost too easy when I acquired the tier III freeze plasmid and the drill specialist ability.  Combat eventually devolved into a quick tap of the freeze plasmid and then plugging away with the drill until the enemy shattered.  I RARELY had to use even a single health pack for a big daddy or even some big sisters.

This game is quite beautiful and I really enjoyed the scenery.  Like Mass Effect 2, the Unreal III Engine powers this game.  My favourite scenes here were the underwater parts, where coral, plane debris from Bioshock 1, and other props adorned the city scape.  Immersion is superbly executed, and I had no problems with believability in the slightest.  Sound quality is just as good as the first game, if not better.  The crowning achievement of the immersion factor of this game likely goes to the score.  Shrieking strings and rumbling kettle drums added so much suspense to some parts of this game that, at times, I could barely stand it.  Rounding corners became a terrifying prospect, and walking into a large arena made you think twice about ignoring your options for decent cover. If there’s one thing that Take 2 hit spot-on, it’s immersion.

Overall, I think this game is a solid title.  It’s definitely worth a week’s rental, if not a purchase.  There is little here that I have to complain about, and even then there’s nothing here that I would consider a “deal breaker”.  I had the opportunity to play both the PC and console version, and would recommend both equally.  After you beat Mass Effect 2, definitely try this.  If you haven’t bought Mass Effect 2 yet, then fuck you.

You know when a game seems really far off, so you block it from your memory in hopes it will create the illusion of coming out sooner? Well, that is exactly what happened to me. Tuesday’s release of the game I’ve been awaiting for since completing Bioshock came to me abruptly via commercial. Part of me knew it was coming out in February, but the exact date eluded me… exact knowledge adds to the waiting. Once I saw it had come out that day, I rushed to Blockbuster right away (in case you’re not aware, the best day to rent a game is the day it comes out. Which is normally a TUESDAY. The people who want it immediately usually go to buy it somewhere, and those who only kind of want to play it try to pick it up on a Thursday or at some point in the weekend. This is a bad idea if you actually want the game to be available). I was roughly a year late on playing Bioshock, so I wasn’t about to let a lot of time pass before I got to play this latest addition to Rapture’s lore.

Please note there may be spoilers.

Eight years after Jack strolled through the halls with his own brand of justice/terror, the Big Daddy “Delta” resurrects after a decade of being dead. Rapture has not withstood the test of time well. Leaks are everywhere, barnacles grow on the walls and floors, and the Splicers are just as crazy as ever… probably crazier. In the last game, the game focused on Andrew Ryan’s ideology of Capitalism, Creation and Progress without being brought down by “the Parasite” (Big Government, Religious leaders, etc.) and focusing on the individual. This time around you meet Sophia Lamb, a psychologist with a view which greatly differs from that of Ryan. She believes focusing on “the Self” is, well… selfish. And would rather have everybody succeed or suffer equally. To pull this off, she exploits the influence of religion to burn this point into the minds of Rapture inhabitants. When you walk through Rapture, it becomes very clear this is not the same place Jack left it.

The “Good”

Like its predecessor (and many games before it), Bioshock 2 gives you the choice of taking a “Good” or “Evil” path. Even a crude combination of the two, whatever tickles your taint. I’m not sure there is a special ending for dabbling in both, however. At this point I’ve only ventured through the good path.

Sinclair, the voice which guides you through Rapture, at one point reveals you can either “Adopt” a Little Sister or “Harvest” her. This is similar to the first, but the difference lies in how much Adam you really want. When you first encounter a Little Sister (after taking down a Big Daddy, of course) you’re given the choice. If you choose to adopt her, she’ll climb on your back and sniff out corpses containing Adam (if you don’t know what that is by now, you probably shouldn’t be reading this). If you choose to Harvest, you’ll get the Adam right away. Here’s where the change comes into play: you’re given the choice again when you take the Little Sister to a vent. Meaning, if you were so inclined, you could have her gather Adam and just harvest her later. That’s for the Evil path, which I will review in part two. The good path will seem like a less effective way to acquire Adam, until the Little Sisters give you rewards for setting them free. That shit adds up. In Bioshock, I always felt like I was never getting enough Adam no matter what path I took. Bioshock 2 will leave you in Adam up to your eyebrows as far as the Good path is concerned.

You’re given quite a few decisions to make in your journey. Ones which will be viewed by Eleanor, the Little Sister you were paired with before your death ten years prior. These decisions will effect how she acts when she comes out of the coma she’s in throughout most of the game. There are definitely some ethical quandaries, when on the Good path you’ll run into certain characters you’ll feel deserve the stricking hand of justice. But forgiveness is a key factor of the Good path, so sometimes you just need to walk away even though they may have done something unforgivable in their time.

This game doesn’t skip a beat when it comes to playability. You still have an incredible amount of control, more probably. And now you have a fucking Drill! Downside is it runs out of fuel quickly, so make sure you’re using it for the right cause. The upside to this is the basic melee attack with the drill is still very strong, and will take out a Splicer with great ease.

I’m a much bigger fan of the new hacking system. Although the first one had fun moments, the new system is not only more realistic (as it happens in real time instead of stopping the action) but more fun. It is also a greater test of how well you handle yourself under pressure.

Next time: The “Evil” path, enemies and final thoughts on Bioshock 2.

It is very difficult to find a game these days that is all that it’s cracked up to be.  Expensive marketing campaigns, ludicrous promises to the consumer, and excessive media coverage are all issues that are plaguing the industry and is likely the biggest reason why so many people experience  buyer’s remorse after rushing out to buy the next “big game”.  Games just do not live up to their hype anymore and rely on flashy graphics and high production value to sell themselves.  That said: Mass Effect 2 lives up to every single ounce of hype that it’s ever gotten.  Hands down.

This game is fantastic.  Visuals, sound, gameplay, and story all come together here to make one truly amazing work of art.  I don’t even know where to start.  I guess the best part of this game, if I were forced to choose one, would be the plot.  The story picks up where Mass Effect 1 left off, where a very large laser gets all-too-cozy with The Normandy’s  hull.  The ship is a complete loss, but you are eventually rescued from the vacuum of space by Cerberus, a controversial war machine of the human race, which has dedicated itself to chasing down The Collectors.  The Collectors are a race of malicious aliens seeking to amass a large pile of humans for some nefarious purpose.  Your job is to assemble a crew (on your NEW Normandy) to help you fight The Collectors and stop the invasion and abduction of various human colonies  while also discovering just what they’re doing with them.  I won’t spoil any details, but the story was one of the most dynamic and suspenseful pieces of writing I’ve seen in quite some time.

Gameplay is also wonderful.  The cover system is straight out of Gears of War, and it’s done very well.  Combat is heavy and well balanced.  I did find that my crew members would occasionally wander off out in the open, but I never had to revive them more times than was allotted to me (you get 3 res’s per mission).  Battles don’t just feel like battles, there is a clearly defined goal in each one and the arenas are so diverse that I rarely found myself getting bored.  The decision making that you do throughout the game makes even more of an effect on your overall outcome.  During the last mission (no spoilers ahead, I promise) you actually select your team leaders and assign roles to each person.  Who you select to do what determines how the mission comes out at the end.  Assigning the hulking Krogan to sneak around will likely result in your mission’s monumental failure, whilst assigning the stealth specialist to do so will end in success.  I wish this dynamic was presented more than once in the game but this is a small gripe.

Production value here is second to none.  This. Game. Is. Beautiful.  BioWare selected the Unreal III graphics engine to power this game, and by god does it look stunning.  It is quite possibly one of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen rendered real-time.  Voice acting is quite nice, although the issue with proper mouth movements is still present from the first game and can take away from the experience for some.  For me, this wasn’t a big issue and didn’t annoy me in the slightest. The pinnacle of production value for this game was likely when I landed on Ilian for the first time.  You arise out of the docks to see a living, breathing futuristic city straight out of a Sci-Fi novel.  My jaw could do nothing but drop to the floor.

Honestly, I could go on and on about just how FUCKING AWESOME this game is but you’ll never understand until you just go out there and grab it.  It is clear that BioWare learned from mistakes made in Mass Effect 1 and applied those lessons to the squeakquel.  It it, thus far, the best game I’ve played this year and is worth every SINGLE penny of the cost.  If you buy anything out of this last wave of games, get this.

The latest trailer for The Behemoth‘s third game has come out, and this is their first “official trailer.”  A summary for the game, BattleBlock Theater, was also posted with the trailer:

“Having shipwrecked on a mysterious island you find yourself both betrayed by your best friend Hatty and captured by the locals. All of this is happening while being forced into deadly performances. This however, is just the start of your problems.”

Knowing the company’s other titles (Alien Hominid and Castle Crashers), this game is sure to be pure gold, baby!

Recently, I decided to give up on a certain aspect of Batman: Arkham Asylum: The Riddler’s riddles. I beat the game’s Story Mode almost a week ago, but thought the Riddler had to be brought to justice. More on that later.

Let me say, as a pretty big Batman fan, this is an exceptional title. With games like this, I still find myself amazed at how far graphics have come. Especially when you spent hours on titles like this:

It isn’t difficult to immerse yourself in the circumstance Batman finds himself in. For those who have yet to play it, I’ll set the scene.

It begins with the night-clad streets of Gotham, the clouds hang heavily above the Batmobile speeding by. Inside, Batman puts the pedal to the metal as his destined nemesis, the Joker, taunts him. A daunting feeling looms over the Dark Knight, the capture of his rival seemed all too easy this time around. He’s right to feel this way, the Joker has something up his sleeve (other than the usual Joker Cards, gas emitting bouquets and revolvers with a “BANG!” sign). As Batman and the guards of Arkham escort the tyrannical trickster down the cold asylum halls, you continue to feel the chill of the criminally insane seep into your bones. Obviously, something isn’t right or you wouldn’t be holding the sticks.

If you couldn’t tell, Joker not only escapes captivity but takes over the asylum. With the aid of fellow inmates and prisoners transferred from Blackgate Prison (after a fire just HAPPENED to spread *wink* *wink*), the Joker plans a party the Batman won’t soon forget.

Ok, now that you’re caught up it’s time to get to the fun stuff.

It took me awhile to actually get my hands on a copy of this game. Thanks to my buddy, Will Handford, I was finally able to take a crack at this title I’ve been hearing so much about. Well worth the wait, my friends. The “Freeflow” combat system is enough to keep you glued to the screen like glitter to a kindergartner’s Mother’s Day card. Keep your combo intact and it will not only multiply your score (increasing your XP and replenishing your health), but allow you to pull off insane ninja-type moves that Batman is well known for. You better believe there will be Achievements/Trophies linked to these combos. It’s astounding how well this system works. You would think there would be many a kink in its execution, but if there were any flaws they were quickly forgotten. I was truly impressed by the work put into the Freeflow combat.

The top villains in my book are as follows:

4. Killer Croc

The detail put into Croc’s creation is downright SICK. Look at him! I’ve seen many interpretations of KC and this was by far the most terrifying. It’s never a pleasant reunion when it comes to Croc and Batman. Bats is high up on Croc’s desired menu, and he’s got the scent. I was a little disappointed in the “battle,” but it was still kind of fun to outrun this beast.

3. Poison Ivy

Ever the harlet, Ivy’s slinky seduction is always a vain attempt when it comes to Batman. This being because he’s well aware of the outcome of locking lips with her: certain death. He’s had his close calls with Miss Ivy, as well as seeing the aftermath of her handywork. The battle is a fun one, albeit slightly frustrating. I won’t spoil the surprise, just know it’s diVINE… eh?… eh?

2. Harley Quinn

Oh man… does this girl do funny things to my brain… and pants. I’m well aware she’s a fictional character, but try telling that to my wang!

1. Scarecrow

Of all the interpretations of Dr. Crane’s alter ego, this is EASILY my favorite. So much so that I plan on getting a tattoo if the image used in the credits (as well as this version’s Poison Ivy & Harley Quinn in a… provocative stance?). His levels were very interesting to say the least. Especially the one that caused me to think I broke my brother’s XBox. Now THAT’S instilling fear! Kudos to the development team on that.

Now I’d like to bring up the riddle aspect of this game. Throughout your venture through Arkham Island, you have the choice to solve riddles, decipher tablets from The Spirit of Amadeus Arkham, obtain tapes containing patient interviews, and pick up Riddler Trophies around the island. Collecting all 240 of these will end in the Riddler’s capture. Thus, giving me incentive to find them all.

Again, I finished the Story Mode roughly a week ago but continued to play so I COULD BRING THE RIDDLER DOWN. I’m down to the LAST TWO TROPHIES. This would normally be a time for celebration… but I can’t find them. I’ve been searching and searching but they seem to be the Bermuda Triangle of trophies.

The areas circled in red are roughly where the trophies should be. The Riddler’s question marks hover around the general area, so it’s safe to say they’re approximately in the middle of their hover pattern. Here’s where I run into the problem…

First off, the trophy closest to the Intensive Treatment area seems to be in or above the ventilation system. It can’t be in it, because I’ve looked… many times… up and down. If there’s a way to get above it, I haven’t figured it out.

The Lower trophy appears to be somewhere on a FUCKING CLIFF. Try to use the Line Launcher to get over there and you’ll fall in the water. Not to mention I’ve looked all over that mother fucker and found jack shit. I’ve checked the little Cave area up and down… it doesn’t seem to be there.

Now, normally I would just consult GameFAQS in this situation. This proved to be a moot point, so I checked other Walkthroughs. Many would call it cheating, I call it doing what it takes to bring the Riddler to justice. After many sites and watching many videos, I discovered that NONE OF THEM SEEM TO COVER THESE AREAS. Which I find a little weird, quite frankly. Every video and strategic screenshot seem to just skip over this little chunk of the game. But why? It seems pretty important, especially when you’ve got 238 of the 240 Riddler puzzles.

Another thing I found interesting (by which I mean aggravating) was this little nugget of information. The map shots I did find were missing this key component

THIS ENTIRE AREA IS NOT ON THE MAP. This is puzzling considering it’s one of the first places you go in the game. After completing the Intensive Treatment building, you crawl through the vent, go through this little cave area and look at Arkham Island while theatrical music plays (you even get an Achievement for hitting this point in the game). So why is it nobody talks about these trophies? I can’t wrap my head around it. It was driving me bonkers, and I very rarely use that word!

I thought I was losing my mind. My brother had to help with looking up guides and walkthroughs online while I continued to scale the area in hopes of finding SOMETHING. After talking to Tom (aka SamuraiLink3) I discovered there were some bugs involved in the PC version. Was that it? Were these trophies glitched out of the game? If there is no record of them, are they just ghost trophies sent to haunt my psyche? I could almost feel gamer madness take hold until I just decided to drop it. Which is severe blow to my honor as a gamer. This means the Riddler is still at large in the city of Gotham. I failed this aspect of the game.

I’m still pretty miffed about this. Maybe I simply missed something simple, that has been known to happen.  And if anybody knows how to get these trophies, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I’ve scoured the internets just so I could find these two fucking trophies and get my measely Achievement points. I’ll write an article reviewing why you’re so awesome if you can help me out. Seriously. A huge article about why you’re awesome!

Despite the bullshit I endured at the hands of the Riddler, this is still an amazing game that deserves the highest of praise. If you have a vast knowledge of the Batman mythology, solving riddles will help you in certain areas (example: knowing to look for Scarface when a “puppet show” is mentioned). However, this is a great game for anyone. If you haven’t played, you should probably do that soon considering Arkham Asylum 2 has just recently been announced.

And the absolute best part of this game: NO ROBIN!

Recently, with the help of the Playstation Network, I was able to acquire this remake of a CLASSIC game. If you’ve never had the privelage to play “Turtles in Time,” just push in an upward motion to move the rock you’ve been trapped under for God knows how long.

For those fortunate enough to know this game like the back of your hand, prepare yourselves. They based the game off of the original Arcade version, not the SNES version. When I played for the first time I almost lost my shit (in a bad way), but I kept my shit because it is still fun.

It all started in Scene 3, “Sewer Surfin’ “, when I didn’t get to fight the Rat King. At the end of the level, Shredder appeared in hologram form to send me to a prehistoric time. This wouldn’t have bothered me had my favorite boss battle not been on the next level. The first Shredder battle, in which you must toss Foot Soldiers at your screen… as in right at your face! How fun is that shit!? Answer: Very.

It made me quite sad to miss out on a revamped battle of that caliber, however, it’s still a fun ass game.

If I remember correctly, there is a power move of sorts in the SNES version which hurts you as well as others. “Re-Shelled” has a power move that doesn’t hurt you, and easily clears a path in a pinch. So… that’s nice…

I could go through the entire game and list the boss battles that aren’t there, or switched, but that would ruin the game experience. Not for a lack of good gameplay, but because I don’t want to write a giant spoiler. “Re-Shelled” is still a fun game despite changes from the SNES version. It’s a different feel for a classic experience. Get some friends to join in and I guarantee a good time. If you have an SNES, go with the original. If not, “Re-Shelled” is worth the money you’d have to SHELL out.

Here’s the trailer if you haven’t seen it already:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPBQ4A8pbn4 

I avoided reviewing this title because, for some reason, I thought somebody already covered it. Not sure what I was actually thinking of, but this is a title that might look easy to skip over. However, that would be a pretty big mistake.

Zuma is a puzzle game where you play as a frog disk that shoots colored orbs at other colored orbs. Sounds pretty uninteresting when you put it that bluntly, but this game is far from any nearby puddles lamesauce.

I’ve played the demo many times over the past year on the 360 and PS3, I was finally able to spring for the full game over the holiday. So now I’m trekking through the Aztecy goodness that is Zuma. There’s sort of a plot to it, with some laughable lines aimed at a protagonist whose only response is “Ribbit.”

This is one of those “just one more time” games. Easy to lose many hours to this God of Boredom Killers. Bonus orbs, such as Explosion, Reverse and Accuracy, will pop up randomly amongst a cluster of a certain color. Hit the group with an orb of the same color and you’ll obtain that bonus. The main objective of this game is to knock out groups in a way that will string together other knock outs. Eventually, you’ll want to destroy all the orbs before one falls into a skull icon’s mouth.

Although the soundtrack is repetitive, it’s kind of a fun song. The only word in English is “Pressure,” which is what this game mainly consists of. When the pressure is really on, the music will take a more intense tone. Which can really fuck up your game if you let it get to you. Just keep a cool head and focus, keep an eye out for opportunities to knock them all back.

This game may very well keep you glued to your respective chair for a long while… So sit somewhere comfortable.

I’d like to start off by saying that Dan Houser is, in fact, the fucking man when it comes to modern-day video game conceptualization. That said, The Ballad of Gay Tony (TBoGT) is quite possibly the most satisfying gaming experiences I’ve had in years, and I’m a fairly tough critic when it comes to making statements of that nature.

“But, but Rob! What about the original story line?! Wasn’t that considered a masterpiece by just about every major gaming review site?” Yes, it was. But, for me, the original story seemed to be the classic “Go here, shoot this a lot. Now go here, chase this and kill it. Now find a hooker and beat her to a bloody pulp in the back alley and rob her of the money she so desparately needs to feed her two crack babies, deadbeat baby daddy, and overzealous heroin habit” gig that we’ve seen from GTA over and over again. Gay Tony tones that down quite a bit and adds a plethora of fresh elements to the slowly-decaying entertainment value that the GTA franchise has been experiencing over the past couple years due to a lack of originality (to me it’s becoming the Will Farrel of the gaming industry).

First things first, you play as Luis Lopez (that’s “Loo-ees, not Loo-is”) , a latin ex-convict-turned-club-manager by Gay Tony, the biggest club owner in LC. Tony is the boss, you’re the head muscle. What’s really cool about this is the relationship between Luis and Tony. They’re very close, but Luis is straight and Tony is quite gay. You’ll often find yourself not only as the head muscle but also playing the role of Tony’s mentor as you try to work things out with his bad decisions, boyfriends, drug habits, club incidents, etc. I honestly cannot say enough about the characterization in this episode. It’s spot-on. One of my biggest fears when Rockstar first announced Gay Tony is that we were going to see some flambouyant gay man prancing around Liberty being all happy, limp-wristed and pretending to be hardcore all the while. This was not the case, Tony is the perfect balance between amusing homo humor and serious club owner. Same is the case with Luis. His character is not the stereotypical latin gangster; He’s refined, classy, but will occasionally find himself a subject to his roots. I’m very happy that Rockstar has finally decided to grow up and make some original characters that don’t exploit their stereotypes for an entire storyline (a la CJ in GTA:SA).

GTA for me always has been and will be about gameplay, and that’s where this episode really shines. About 60% of the missions in TBoGT are completely original content. That’s right kids, Rockstar got off their lazy asses and actually planned some new missions. New vehicles (such as the rocket-pod-laiden Buzzard helicopter, the parachutes, the fast cars) yield new ways to shoot up and terrorize Liberty City, and Rockstar used the capabilities of these new items to their fullest in the missions. The club is also an integral part of this story, and the side missions that can be had here are pretty fun. Kicking people out of your club for pushing dope or getting a little too raunchy with the ladies can be quite entertaining. I won’t go into too much detail, but I can say that the final mission was the best GTA mission to date in my opinion.

The soundtrack additions are pure gold. Vladivostok radio has an entire half hour set of non-stop house music that is supposedly broadcast from the newly-opened Bahama Mama’s nightclub in Algonquin. If you like electro or house, the soundtrack alone is worth the purchase to me. Michael Gray, Eric Prydz, David Guetta, all are huge names in the genre that decided to make their appearance on the setlist. My only complaint is that the new house songs weren’t added to, say, ElectroSHOC (you know, the electro/house/techno station?), but the Russian pop station?! WTF Rockstar?! If there is any complaint I have here it’s that I have to sit through a half hour of Russian pop that I may or may not care for to get to the setlist that I like. All of this content should have been added to ElectroSHOC. But this is a minor gripe.

I’d also like to add a small snippet about the new environments in TBoGT before I sew my mouth shut. The club scene here is done perfectly. You walk into a club, the dancefloor is packed, lights everywhere, fog machines going. Luis descends to the main level and starts strutting around the joint. He walks up the the VIP lounge, where some of LC’s biggest celebs are enjoying a bottle (or twelve) of champagne. A drunk frat boy challenges you to a drinking competition (which you can actually partake in), but you decline, you’ve got bitches to fuck. You head back down to the main level and hit the dancefloor. There’s a girl eying you that looks pretty hot so you start to bust a move. She’s interested, so she decides to get a bit closer. You two dance for a few minutes before she decides to take you by the hand to the women’s restroom where you two ravage each other in the stall next to the sorority girl puking out the 5 gallons of Everclear that she just ingested at the bar. You head out quietly back to the floor. Some idiot starts talkin trash about you while you’re walkin through. You pull out yo nine and bussacap in his ass. Mass pandemonium ensues. Suddenly the 60-70 people that were in the club stampede for the door in complete panic while you pump another 30 rounds into his head. That’ll show ‘em. You finish off the lame security that the owner hired and you walk outside. Three cruisers and a crowd of people are standing outside in total disbelief, the girls clutching their boyfriends for what little protection that shell of a man can offer at a time like this. You get the idea, the club environments are absolutely perfect.

As I said previously, Gay Tony was the most satisfying gaming experience I’ve had in years. From the soundtrack, to the missions, to the environments, it’s all top-notch production. I won’t say that it’s perfect, but it’s very, very damn close. If you pick up anything this month, get this. Totally worth the 1600 MS points.

Lots of big gay steaming bear love to Kotaku for the screenies!