I’d like to start off by saying that Dan Houser is, in fact, the fucking man when it comes to modern-day video game conceptualization. That said, The Ballad of Gay Tony (TBoGT) is quite possibly the most satisfying gaming experiences I’ve had in years, and I’m a fairly tough critic when it comes to making statements of that nature.
“But, but Rob! What about the original story line?! Wasn’t that considered a masterpiece by just about every major gaming review site?” Yes, it was. But, for me, the original story seemed to be the classic “Go here, shoot this a lot. Now go here, chase this and kill it. Now find a hooker and beat her to a bloody pulp in the back alley and rob her of the money she so desparately needs to feed her two crack babies, deadbeat baby daddy, and overzealous heroin habit” gig that we’ve seen from GTA over and over again. Gay Tony tones that down quite a bit and adds a plethora of fresh elements to the slowly-decaying entertainment value that the GTA franchise has been experiencing over the past couple years due to a lack of originality (to me it’s becoming the Will Farrel of the gaming industry).
First things first, you play as Luis Lopez (that’s “Loo-ees, not Loo-is”) , a latin ex-convict-turned-club-manager by Gay Tony, the biggest club owner in LC. Tony is the boss, you’re the head muscle. What’s really cool about this is the relationship between Luis and Tony. They’re very close, but Luis is straight and Tony is quite gay. You’ll often find yourself not only as the head muscle but also playing the role of Tony’s mentor as you try to work things out with his bad decisions, boyfriends, drug habits, club incidents, etc. I honestly cannot say enough about the characterization in this episode. It’s spot-on. One of my biggest fears when Rockstar first announced Gay Tony is that we were going to see some flambouyant gay man prancing around Liberty being all happy, limp-wristed and pretending to be hardcore all the while. This was not the case, Tony is the perfect balance between amusing homo humor and serious club owner. Same is the case with Luis. His character is not the stereotypical latin gangster; He’s refined, classy, but will occasionally find himself a subject to his roots. I’m very happy that Rockstar has finally decided to grow up and make some original characters that don’t exploit their stereotypes for an entire storyline (a la CJ in GTA:SA).
GTA for me always has been and will be about gameplay, and that’s where this episode really shines. About 60% of the missions in TBoGT are completely original content. That’s right kids, Rockstar got off their lazy asses and actually planned some new missions. New vehicles (such as the rocket-pod-laiden Buzzard helicopter, the parachutes, the fast cars) yield new ways to shoot up and terrorize Liberty City, and Rockstar used the capabilities of these new items to their fullest in the missions. The club is also an integral part of this story, and the side missions that can be had here are pretty fun. Kicking people out of your club for pushing dope or getting a little too raunchy with the ladies can be quite entertaining. I won’t go into too much detail, but I can say that the final mission was the best GTA mission to date in my opinion.
The soundtrack additions are pure gold. Vladivostok radio has an entire half hour set of non-stop house music that is supposedly broadcast from the newly-opened Bahama Mama’s nightclub in Algonquin. If you like electro or house, the soundtrack alone is worth the purchase to me. Michael Gray, Eric Prydz, David Guetta, all are huge names in the genre that decided to make their appearance on the setlist. My only complaint is that the new house songs weren’t added to, say, ElectroSHOC (you know, the electro/house/techno station?), but the Russian pop station?! WTF Rockstar?! If there is any complaint I have here it’s that I have to sit through a half hour of Russian pop that I may or may not care for to get to the setlist that I like. All of this content should have been added to ElectroSHOC. But this is a minor gripe.
I’d also like to add a small snippet about the new environments in TBoGT before I sew my mouth shut. The club scene here is done perfectly. You walk into a club, the dancefloor is packed, lights everywhere, fog machines going. Luis descends to the main level and starts strutting around the joint. He walks up the the VIP lounge, where some of LC’s biggest celebs are enjoying a bottle (or twelve) of champagne. A drunk frat boy challenges you to a drinking competition (which you can actually partake in), but you decline, you’ve got bitches to fuck. You head back down to the main level and hit the dancefloor. There’s a girl eying you that looks pretty hot so you start to bust a move. She’s interested, so she decides to get a bit closer. You two dance for a few minutes before she decides to take you by the hand to the women’s restroom where you two ravage each other in the stall next to the sorority girl puking out the 5 gallons of Everclear that she just ingested at the bar. You head out quietly back to the floor. Some idiot starts talkin trash about you while you’re walkin through. You pull out yo nine and bussacap in his ass. Mass pandemonium ensues. Suddenly the 60-70 people that were in the club stampede for the door in complete panic while you pump another 30 rounds into his head. That’ll show ‘em. You finish off the lame security that the owner hired and you walk outside. Three cruisers and a crowd of people are standing outside in total disbelief, the girls clutching their boyfriends for what little protection that shell of a man can offer at a time like this. You get the idea, the club environments are absolutely perfect.
As I said previously, Gay Tony was the most satisfying gaming experience I’ve had in years. From the soundtrack, to the missions, to the environments, it’s all top-notch production. I won’t say that it’s perfect, but it’s very, very damn close. If you pick up anything this month, get this. Totally worth the 1600 MS points.
Lots of big gay steaming bear love to Kotaku for the screenies!
