Yes that is a rabbit wearing a shirt while winking, somehow this is the worst part about this game.
Once again after an extended break I am back to tell you about one of the most amazing games that has ever graced any system in the history of video games. The game for today is Tecmo Super Bowl, and if you have never played it then what in the fuck is your problem? If you are a fan of football games then you will love this one, unless you are the kind of “bro” that gets lost in the menial Madden-oply rehashes year after year. This game is the sequel to the original Tecmo Bowl and was released back in 1991. Before Tecmo was dominating the “Boob Physics” with Dead Or Alive they had the Ninja Gaiden series and then this game. This game is the best sports game ever created, and that my friends is a Martyr definitive statement.
Why does this game have everything to offer you are probably asking yourself. Let’s start with the fact that it is the simplest football game to play. In Madden you can do spin moves and jukes and jump for overthrown passes just to save your ass…in TSB you will button mash to break tackles…and fuck spinning unless your going to make your player run a complete circle around the defense on the field, even jumping for passes happens only if your receiver does not suck and actually cares to try to make sure that Rod Woodson is not going to pick it off and run it back for a TD which happens many times when you play the Steelers. When doing a pass, one button cycles through receivers and the other throws very simple and very effective. The game is as simple as this you have 8 plays on offence to choose from, 4 running and 4 passing which you select by using either A or B and pressing a certain direction at the same time. It is so simple yet it is beautiful at the same time, imagine if any football game today had only 8 plays people would constantly bitch, but not back in 1991 all you had to do was make the people happy by giving them the opportunity to beat the living hell out of each other using their favorite teams and players from back when this game came out.
The rosters are honestly unforgettable. You have the likes of QB Eagles (Randle Cunningham), QB Bills (Jim Kelly), Dan Marino, Bruce Smith, Jerry Rice, Christian “The Nigerian Nightmare” Okoye, Thurmond Thomas, Berry Sanders, Warren Moon, Sterling Sharpe, Rod Woodson, and alot of others….but there is only one person you will need to remember because he kicks so much ass none of the others matter. Bo “Get the Fuck Out of My Way” Jackson. Bo in case you have no idea, was a Running Back who was cut down in his prime due to those god forsaken Bengals. He might be the best athlete that baseball and football had ever seen, and thanks to a hip injury alot of people were left wondering what could have been, but with the help of this game you can see that he is nothing short of a bulldozer with legs. In this game they give you different ratings such as running power, and speed and ball control and he is in the top three of all categories that actually matter. You can use him to either run past or just run over the opposing pussies that will try to tackle the man. Hell if you get lucky and he is in “excellent” condition he is damn near maxed out in all categories which makes him even more of a force to be wreckened with. Honestly the Raiders are not that great but with him you cant go wrong, even if he can only run the ball up the middle or to the right as long as you zig-zag and tap those buttons fast to destroy the defense you will win each time. If you don’t believe me on the power of Bo Jackson, look his name up in youtube for some definitive proof.
So I exaggerated a little….Bo is still better than getting sex on the first date.
If you have the chance you might as well pick the bills and play the Patriots because they are so awful that they make the mighty weenies of Mutant League Hockey look good. Plus you will have the combo of QB Bills and Thomas which is pretty much unbeatable kinda like Rice and Montana for the 49ers. The control of this game is spot on but a question remains is the game realistic? Not even close. That is the best part about this game. One game you can have a running back with over 400 yards rushing, a quarterback who will throw the ball from the 1 yard line all the way to the end zone for a 99 yard TD pass, and then have 15 sacks with a defensive lineman, that is no lie. You can do whatever you want and completely destroy the other team.
Realism just took a swift kick to the balls….Super Champions….keep wishing Detroit.
The cutscenes in this game are actually quite good given the time when this was released. They have them for anything important that happens, such as touchdowns, completed passes, blocked kicks, kickoffs, first downs, halftime show, and even when a player gets injured. Another pro to this game is the fact that penalties do not exist in any way shape or form, no holding, no roughing the passer, no clipping, none of the bullshit that you get upset about when your in the 4th quarter driving and get the first down only to have it taken back because your left guard was being a dick-face. This is arcade style football at its finest and thats me basically telling you that NFL Blitz, has nothing on this game. This game is so popular that there are leagues over the Internet that you can join and put your best effort up against, and if your lucky you might get to play in a tournament in New York City which they do every so often. I have almost got into fist fights while playing this game due to how much the momentum can change at any given time. This is easily one of the top ten games on the NES and if anyone says any different they are dead wrong. If you have not played this yet your ass better do so as soon as possible. To top that off I offer the cheerleading sluts of halftime.
Half Time…FUCK YEA!
Check that shit out to understand the rating system and teams better.
