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Due to creative endeavors, I went through all of yesterday without posting. Worse than that, I didn’t have anything prepared to post. So this one’s gonna be a little on the short side (like your dick).
So let’s hop to it!
Awhile back a few of us did a minicast on “Wario Land: Shake It!” which was never released because of… a certain musical addition which was never made. I won’t go into detail in case it is ever released, however, just know that Wario is a straight up G!
It has been some time since the release of “Shake It!” but it’s a game worth noting in the highest regard. It brings a new greatness to the world of 2D sidescrollers, both in formulaic reproduction and innovation.
With a title like “Shake It!” taking place on the Wii, you better be in shape… at least as far as your arm goes. Which, assuming you’re a chronic masturbator, you won’t find to be any trouble. But you won’t be shaking sacks (teehee) for coins (BAHha!) the whole time. You can also shake the Wiimote to execute a ground punch, which can be used to stun any ground enemies or move/alter environmental objects.
Don’t think you’re just gonna walk into this like you would any Mario title. This game requires some skill and know-how if you’re gonna take it down. You’ll find yourself getting astronomically pissed because of what is demanded of you to completely beat some levels.
There’s no “make it to the end and hop on the flag pole” like Mario if you want to fully complete a level. No, “Shake It!” goes a little differently. You have to find 3 Treasures, successfully complete the missions (which include making it back to the starting point within a certain time period, not taking damage throughout the level, beating a Golden Enemy, etc.) and race back to the starting point before the clock runs out. I’ve never let the time run out so I’m not sure what it’s like… I’m sure it’s not fun, though. Assuming you’ve got the patience to fully complete these levels, you win the background music of the particular level. YAY for extra content!
In the event you can’t fully complete a level, just finish it and you can move onto the next level. Really, if you’re indifferent to winning level music there’s little use in completing every part of every level. The important thing is enjoying this game, which can be a little tough at some points.
Water levels are actually fun it this game with the addition of SUBMARINE LEVELS. Yessir, a torpedo launching, Wiimote tilting adventure under the sea. You still have to complete objectives and collect treasures, but that’s part of the fun.
Boss battles are fun, their designs and the strategy involved to defeat them utilize the controls to the fullest. These parts are quite enjoyable considering you don’t have to find Treasures or beat the clock… you just have to clean theirs!
Who knew Wario, the fat-fuck anti-Mario, would excel at athleticism with such prowess? This guy can really move for a tubby little guy. He spins and flips from bar to bar like a gymnast, he even DISMOUNTS LIKE ONE. I guess when you’re a thief with his breed of greed, you have to know your shit. Good for him, I guess he works out more than one would think.
“Wario Land: Shake It!” has been out for awhile, so if you haven’t played it by now you’re a FUCKING FOOL! Get on it like a high-class whore gets on that tiny pecker of yours, assuming you have the scratch to pull that off. Which you DON’T!
