Ok, that title is a little misleading… but I knew it would catch your eyes. Ya sick fucks, ya! You think we didn’t notice the hits we get from people who type “japanese rape game” into a search engine? You sick fucks. But, hey, you come to our site so… NO, I’m not covering a “JAPANESE RAPE GAME”, why would think I’d be doing a post on a “JAPANESE RAPE GAME”? That’s crazy!
However, I almost did a review on “Golden Axe” while thinking about “Legendary Axe.” Thus, I said fuck it and decided to review both.
Legendary Axe
What’s that? You say you want a clone of “Castlevania” and the like? But you want a fun one with good music? That’s a tall order, but I think I can help you out. There’s a catch… you have to have a TurbroGrafx 16. There’s a tall order to match your tall order!
“Legendary Axe” is the name of the game! Like I said, it’s very similar to the “Castlevania” format. So you can probably tell, assuming you like “Castlevania”, you’re going to have some fun.
One of the pluses of this hidden gem is the attack system. Chiggity check it!
Throughout the game, you’ll find … I don’t know…. medallions? These aren’t medallions you’ll find in granny’s trunk of ancient artifacts. Every time you nab one, a meter fills up at the top of the screen. The more it fills, the more powerfully you swing the axe and crack an orc in the teeth.
(as you can see, whoever is playing here is in good standing)
The music is pretty sick. Which is a pretty good thing considering you’ll be listening to the assorted tracks a LOT. Because of a slight detail I forgot to mention… this game is a tricky. I’m talkin’ tricky tricky, and not like the Lou Bega’s final single in America. I’m talking the kind where you have to play, and play, and play until you figure out the numerous mischevious curtails.
(be sure to watch out for killer moths!)
Prang and I played this game a good bit before anger got the best of us. This game doesn’t play fair, but the challenge to beat it under those circumstances is like a drug. At one poin’t you have to battle a bunch of giant, floating eyeballs. As if the battle weren’t insane enough, there’s a good chance you’ll fall into “Father Time’s Corner.” This is a place you don’t want to be, but sometimes that’s the only way to survive. These eyeballs will float around the side of the screen you’re on and CONTINUOUSLY ATTACK YOU. When one goes away, another comes at you, and so on and so forth. And you have to crouch in the fucking corner until these incessant iris carriers relent. Which could take minutes! That doesn’t sound like a lot until you’re there… then you know why I refer to it as “Father Time’s Corner”… ‘cause you could very well be there forever if the game deems you that much of a threat. I doubt it is actually programmed to do that, but “Legendary Axe” is shady so I wouldn’t be surprised if some sort of black magic is involved.
However, despite the odds being against you there is hope. It just involves a lot of grinding and figuring out exactly where enemies are coming at you from
Golden Axe
A classic arcade sidescroller for the arcade & Sega System 16, “Golden Axe” takes you on a sideways journey. Now to give fair warning, some of these are screen shots from other “Golden Axe” games. But they’re all, for the most part, the same game. So they’re just examples… plus they were all I could find. Three Medieval-style characters to choose from:
Gilius Thunderhead
And dwarf rockin’ a double-headed axe. My personal favorite.
Ax Battler
Oddly enough, he lacks an axe. Rather, he wields a broadsword.
Tyris Flare
An amazonian chick with a long-sword.
Oh yeah, check out that pixely goodness, ya sick fucks! HA!
For reasons not interesting enough to go into, these heroes three are heading to the castle of Death Adder (great name, I know) to save the King of Yuria and his daughter. Throughout the game you’ll learn to utilize techniques such as the running shoulder ram, the falling slash attack, and spells fueled by blue potions. You’re attacked by Death Adder’s henchmen, some of which ride fun creatures you can hop on and increase your chances of attack… depending on the situation you find yourself in. Make sure you knock enemies far away from a beast when attempting to mount, or they’ll knock you right off and hop back on. If you take this precaution you’ll be rewarded with a mythical creature that can either belch/vomit fire or trip enemies with it’s tail! What fun!
Be weary, for when you go to sleep…
GNOMES WILL STEAL YOUR POTIONS!
OHNOOOOOOO!
The good news is you can get the back by knocking the snot out of dwarves. Gnomes clothed in blue hold potions, green carry food to restore your life.
The key to getting through this game is to know the measure of the somewhat limited moving capabilities. Also making proper use of potions will get you further on the path to Death Adder. Once you get there, you’re on your own. I haven’t made it that far yet. And probably won’t for some time because other games take priority.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this double axe-tion action!
And for your patience, you’ll be rewarded with more girls kissing each other.
YAAAAAAAAY 
)
Don’t say I never did anything for you!
HAPPY VD!
